


A Thousand Whispers

by saucyminx



Series: Thousand Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-07 00:36:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean from <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html">"A Thousand Touches"</a> are back in this sequel.  Time has passed, the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer.  An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Current mood:** |   
crazy  
---|---  
**Entry tags:** |   
["a thousand touches"](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/%22a+thousand+touches%22), ["a thousand whispers"](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/%22a+thousand+whispers%22), [rating: nc-17](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/rating:+nc-17), [sam/dean](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/sam/dean)  
  
  
_ **A Thousand Whispers, 01/04, [NC-17], Sam/Dean** _   
** **

Title: A Thousand Whispers 01/04  
**Authors:** [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=cha)[Charlotte](http://www.livejournal.com/users/cha/) and [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=anyothergirl415)[Miss. Brie](http://www.livejournal.com/users/anyothergirl415/)  
**Pairing:** Sam/Dean  
**Rating/Warnings:** NC-17,   
**Disclaimer:** Kripke's boys, not ours, even if we want them to be.  
**Summary: **Sam and Dean from ["A Thousand Touches"](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html) are back in this sequel.  Time has passed, the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer.  An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.

 

_They call me Dean. Just Dean, no nick names or short cuts, and yeah I prefer it that way. I'm the oldest. I have a little brother named Sam. He's kind of my world. Maybe even more than that but I've always had problems when it comes to defining what we are._

A few years ago my dad had this idea to send Sam to some special school because he didn't talk. But I knew my brother wasn't "special" not in that way so we left. I guess that's probably where things changed. Or began to. But if you believe my dad it's been happening for a long time. I don't believe in fate or any of that crap but if it did exist, I guess you could say Sam and I had one. A fate. Destined to lead to each and every moment we lived through. It's pretty worth it.

Don't get me wrong though. As much as I love my brother and the world we call ours, it's not always easy living with a person who's just barely started talking after an entire life of silence. There's a pretty big selection of misunderstandings and moments where I wish I could just invade his mind so I knew exactly what was going through it. I've learned things over the years though. I'd say I know Sam pretty well, better than anyone else even. And he is the reason we fixed our relationship with our father, because I'm pretty sure if I had my way we'd never talk to him again. Or I'd never talk to him and Sam would never... kinda whisper and write notes to him. He's getting there though, Sam, with the talking thing. I'm pretty proud of him for trying.

See, this thing between Sam and me... it keeps me going. Makes me human. Connects me to this world when all the supernatural crap we hunt threatens to pull me away. Sam's my brother, my lover, the most important person. And I don't know what I would do if I had to live without him.

 

Something was chasing them. Or more specifically, something was chasing Sam and Dean was desperately trying to catch up. But they were too far ahead and no matter how quick Dean moved it was too late. His eyes widened as the creature leaped on Sam's back and he watched his brother go down. "Sam!" Dean yelled, sitting up in the mattress so fast he caused to entire bed to shift, chest rising and falling with heavy pants or shocked air. The image played instantly on repeat in Dean's mind and he gasped, fingers curling in the bed sheets.

Sam's body shot up off the bed, arms shoving at the sheets that were holding him down.  _Dean_.  It hardly took him a moment to orient himself and have his arms wrapped around Dean's shoulders.  Pressing his hand flat against his brother's chest he rubbed gently, "M'here," Sam whispered as he leaned in to rest his chin on Dean's shoulder.  He hated when Dean had nightmares, nothing felt worse than the sensation of Dean tense and shivering against Sam's chest. 

"God," Dean panted heavily and whirled on the bed, pressing Sam hard down onto the mattress and slamming their lips together. He sucked in the comfort from Sam's heat beneath him, mouths gliding together in a familiar slide. "Sammy..." he murmured into the kiss, dragging his hands along his brother's side just to ensure he really was okay. That dream still played in his mind, haunting and whispering to him like a threat. His body was still shaking softly and he pressed harder down into Sam, knowing his lover instincts would kick in and sense his need to be comforted.

Sam's heart ached for his brother as his hands moved over Dean's back, soothing, then gripping him hard.  "S'okay," Sam murmured against soft, wet lips.  He could feel Dean's body shaking as the fear from his dream drained slowly out of his body.  Wrapping his body around Dean's, arms, legs capturing his brother's; Sam did what he loved more than anything. Lips moving against Dean's he used his body to comfort Dean, reassure him, _love_ him.

After several long moments, once his heart had returned to normal and his pulse evened out, Dean rolled off his brother. "Sorry," he sighed and pulled Sam into him, brushing soft kisses along his jaw. "I shouldn't have smashed you down like that," he dragged his hand through Sam's hair, pulling back enough to meet his brother's eyes. "You good?"

Smiling, Sam pressed his palm flat against Dean's chest right over his heart.  _I love you._ As he sank into  Dean's side he could sense the tension even as it left his brother's body.  "Nightmare?" His lips brushed the bottom of Dean's ear, arms tightening its hold on his brother's body.

Dean's eyes fluttered slightly, small smile on his face. "Yeah," he sighed and melted his body into Sam's, lips brushing together. "The one where the creature was chasing you and I couldn't get to you in time..." Dean settled his head on Sam's shoulder and pulled in a quick long full of familiar scent.

"You're always in time," Sam murmured.  His brother had never, _would_ never let him down.  It was just the way things between them worked; they took care of each other, had each other's backs.  Sam pressed his lips to Dean's hair, wrinkling his nose.  "Crunchy," he whispered and slithered down so he could nuzzle against Dean's cheek.  He could feel Dean settling back into the mattress, his muscles relaxing again.  Sam sighed happily and rubbed Dean's chest slowly, small circles. 

"Sammy..." Dean shifted up into the touch, the lingering wisps of fear and worry all but disappearing. "I'll never let anything bad happen to you," he reached up cup Sam's cheek and let his eyes fall closed, small smile on his lips. "Go back to sleep. I'm okay now," he insisted softly and hooked his arm around Sam to press him close.

The nightmares had been coming with increasing frequency and Sam found himself wondering, sometimes, if there was more to it than Dean told him.  The way Dean woke up, terrified, checking Sam's body like he was searching for wounds, signs on injury - but it was more than that. There was a desperation to Dean's touch that made Sam's heart ache.  His fingers curled around his brother's neck, the gentle flutter of Dean's pulse comforting in the dark room. 

 

"We need a hunt," Dean declared the moment he entered the motel room, carrying the bags of food over and spreading them out on the table. He went through the actions like second nature, pulling open the container with Sam's chicken salad and sliding it toward him, coke joining in a moment later with a plastic fork. After so many years it was almost as natural as breathing, taking care of Sam before addressing his own needs. Once Sam's meal was spread out before him Dean dropped into his seat and pulled up the styrofoam container with his burger and fries in it. "We're in a dry spell, did your search turn up anything?" Dean asked around a mouthful of burger, legs extending to rest against Sam's casually.

Sam held his fork between his teeth and reach out with both hands to turn the lap top screen toward Dean.  He chewed slowly while Dean read then gestured with his fork.  "Five people, strange..." Sam mumbled around his food.  Snatching his pen up off the table he scribbled in his notebook and slid it toward Dean.  **Close to here.  2 hr drive maybe?  2 people dead, other 3 strange - bite marks.  Might be something big.**  Sam shrugged as he watched Dean's eyes get to the bottom of the page.  Sniffing, Sam's eyes moved back to his salad and he stabbed at it with his fork trying to pick out the chicken.  "Maybe?" He slid the fork into his mouth again rocking his leg against Dean's.

"Sounds promising," Dean nodded and leaned forward to peer at the laptop screen. "Okay we'll head there after we eat," Dean wet his lips, pulling in the lingering taste of ketchup before lifting his burger once more. He lifted his eyes to Sam and smiled, shifting in his seat to hook his leg around Sam's. "That is unless you can think of any reason we should wait, maybe there's something else you'd like to do this after?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, smirk curving his lip up.

Still chewing, Sam lifted his eyes without moving his head and locked his gaze on Dean's.  His nose twitched and then his lips curved into a crooked smile.  "Maybe?"  There was _always_ something he could think of doing, touching his brother, soaking up _Dean_ like a sponge; his scene, heat, sweat, taste, everything.  Dean was the cord that tethered Sam to the world. 

Wetting his lips Dean polished off his burger and pinched a handful of fries, bringing them to his lips and mumbling around them, "well then, maybe we'll wait to head out tomorrow. Probably better after a full night rest anyway." He grinned around the food in his mouth and reached out for his shake, pulling from the straw with a hard suck. They were quiet while they finished their individual meals, falling in the familiar comfort of each other's presence. As he finished Dean stood, hand hovering by Sam's empty food container until his brother nodded and he carried both to the trash. "Wanna watch a movie? Lay together on the bed?" Dean shrugged a shoulder behind him, gesturing to the mattress as he toed his shoes off.

Nodding, Sam worried his bottom lip with his teeth.  Even if Dean hadn't asked, had just moved to the bed to lie down, Sam wouldn't have been far behind.  Sam was never far away from Dean by choice.  When Dean asked, there was usually a reason, Sam's brow furrowed as he thought about it.  The nightmares had been wearing his brother down a little.  Dean's face was more drawn than usual and he looked tired.  Standing, Sam crossed his arms to grab his t-shirt and tug it off as he slipped out of his boots.  Opening the small fridge Sam grabbed a beer and opened it then padded over to the bed and lay down, resting the bottle on his chest.

Dean pulled off his own shirt, tossing it across the room to his duffel bag before kicking out of his jeans and sending them to join his. Rolling his shoulders Dean crawled onto the bed and slid under the sheets and blanket, sliding close to Sam and reaching out to snag the beer. He chuckled softly as he popped it open and took a drink before placing it back in Sam's hand. Settling back on his pillow he extended his arm for Sam to settle against. "Probably only shit on," Dean mumbled as his free hand curled around the remote and lifting it to point at the TV.

Sam moved the bottle over the bare skin of his chest; it was cool, the condensation left a trail down the center of his chest. The muscles in his abs clenched under the cold glass and Sam ran the bottle along the waistband of his jeans. He felt Dean's eyes on him. "Dean?"

"You... hot?" Dean asked softly, wetting his lips as he traced the line of liquid with his eyes then reached out to trail his fingers down the path. He smiled as his eyes lifted to Sam's face, searching his expression for whatever it was that Sam would be saying if he were more accustomed to words. "What's going on in that brain of yours?" He murmured, not expecting much of an answer. It was something he asked just because, knowing Sam knew he didn't necessarily need an actual answer. Sometimes actions did speak louder than words after all.

"Mhmmm," Sam murmured.  _Hot_ and hoping to distract Dean, tired him out and maybe get him to sleep peacefully through the entire night.  Smiling, Sam arched his spine slightly and felt a drop of water run into his belly button.  "Y'okay?"  His eyebrows rose slightly as a flush crept up his neck.   Letting his head fall to the side Sam blinked at Dean and blew the hair out of his eyes.

"M'fine," Dean insisted and slid down the mattress enough to press his lips into Sam's side, sucking kisses up the warm flesh. A small smile curved up his features as he dipped forward to suck Sam's nipple into his mouth, worked it gently beneath his teeth. "Gonna tire me out Sammy?" He murmured against the skin, fingers flattening out over the cool liquid along his brother's abs and rubbing along the waist band. "Maybe I'll just lay back and let you do the work," Dean chuckled softly and sucked on a patch of flesh beneath Sam's nipple, bruising the skin.

Their whole lives, the basis of their communication - _them_ it was all based on touch and marks.  The way Dean's lips moved on his body said what Sam needed to know.  Stretching his arm out behind him Sam felt around until the bottle hit the nightstand.  When he pulled his arm back he looked up at his brother's eyes.  

_Silence_

Sam opened his mouth but sometimes, still nothing would come to him.  Silent for so long, spoiled by Dean's unerring interpretation of his touches, his expressions - it was as though Sam had forgotten how to use his voice.  Then, the one thing that Sam could always say, "Dean..."

Dean popped the button on his brother's jeans, tugging the zipper down and hooking his fingers under the material. Sam lifted his hips easily to remove the fabric and in minutes they were both naked, Dean settled between his brothers legs. "I need you," Dean murmured against Sam's lips, hand extending to take the bottle from his grasp. There were moments between them that Sam needed Dean, for understanding and comfort. Then there were the times Dean _needed_ Sam, though he could never understand what it was exactly that sparked so desperately in him. He rolled his hips forward to explain how intense that need was without words.

Sam's hands slid up to Dean's cheeks then curled around the back of his brother's neck.  The thing about touching Dean was that Sam could lose himself in it, the smooth skin, Sam's cock was already warm and full, the simple pleasure of lying against Dean's naked body was enough.  _God_.  Nothing ever left Sam as breathless as the look on Dean's face, and being _needed_.  And then, they were kissing.  Their lips were together, sliding, burning up and Sam couldn't help the way his hips rolled up off the bed and collided with his brother's.

They both shared this pleasure, the moments when they were both silent simply by choice. Dean had long since stopped asking questions during this time, choosing to let them both simply enjoy the feel of each other. Pulling back slightly he slicked his fingers and set the bottle to the side, nudging Sam's legs further apart and slipping one finger in. Within moments he added a second and leaned forward to cover Sam's mouth with his own once more. Sam's heat was familiar and still just as intoxicating, swirling that mixture of want and need up in him until he couldn't resist and added a third finger, preparing Sam with slow thrusts and the gentle spreading of his fingers.

The way Dean's fingers moved within him, keeping rhythm with the tangle of their tongues sparked up the ever-present desire in Sam's heart.  They moved together fluidly, hips rolling, fingers sliding, breathing the same air.  Sam's soft moans were swallowed up in Dean's mouth.  It was one of the times when such peace ran over Sam, gentle love-making, peaceful touches increasing slowly as the _want_ built in their bodies.  "Please..." the only word Sam would utter, the word that teased a low moan from his brother's mouth.

"Sammy," he murmured and pulled back enough to slick himself, cleaning his hand on the sheet before he shifted back over his brother. Dean's eyes fluttered as he slid inside Sam, encased by his muscles and heat. Dean hooked his arms under Sam's, fingers curling into his shoulders so their bodies lay flushed together. As his lips fell over Sam's once more, strong legs wrapped around his waist and Dean began a gentle rock, just enough to create the swirl of friction. He gasped into Sam's mouth, tongue snaking forward to swirl around the warmth inside Sam's mouth, familiar and pleasant.

Shifting, spine arching up into his brother's sweat-slick body Sam sucked hard on his brother's tongue.  Connected to Dean everywhere, it felt _right_, more right than anything else ever had in their lives.  He matched Dean's rhythm, rocking up slowly against Dean's hard body, sinking Dean's cock deeper into him.  _Closer_  Kissing his way down Dean's neck Sam latched on to his brother's shoulder, sucking gently in time with their thrusts.

Dean moaned low in his chest, exhaling roughly through his nose as he quickened his pace. He could spend forever rocking like this, connected so thoroughly he lost sight of what made them two different people. He slid a hand roughly between them, pressing a hand hard into Sam's heart _I love you_. Countless minutes of their gentle rocking finally began to drive Dean crazy and he surged back, pulling all the way out to slam roughly forward. Dean drank in the mixture of emotions playing on his brother's features, forcing his eyes to remain open as he continued one quick thrust following the next.

He loved to see Dean's eyes when they moved like this together, so black and shining and so full of emotion.  Sam's release was building hard and fast within him, edged closer by each thrust.  His hard flesh was trapped between their bodies, the friction heating his flesh and burning into his soul.  "D..Dean..."  Dean knew just how to move his body against Sam's, the ways to excite all Sam's nerves, tease him to the edge and pull him back.  But not tonight, tightening his legs around his brother's muscular body, Sam tensed as his orgasm moved up through his body.  It started small - a flame - and caught quickly flooding through his system like liquid fire.  Sam's release pulsed out between their bodies, slick and hot, his lips were locked with his brothers once more - their mouths wet and frantic.

With the clench of muscles around his hard flesh, the explosion of heart between their bodies, Dean found himself loosing grips. His body stilled, mouth moving hard over Sam's as his release worked through him. Dean gasped softly into the kiss, overcome for a moment with the intensity. It happened sometimes, when Dean felt too small to take on the weight of the world, where he clung to his brother because it seemed to be the only way to tether himself to this world. He dropped his head to bury in Sam's neck, hips gently rocking with the lingering flare of his orgasm. He sucked in a sharp lung full of Sam's scent, clenching his eyes shut against the slight shake of his body.

Wrapping his arms tight around his brother Sam murmured quietly against his brother's hair.  It didn't matter that he wasn't actually saying words, just sounds, just letting Dean know he was there.  Dean loved the sound of his voice - he would never force Sam to speak - never ask for it - but Sam knew what it meant and how it made Dean's world a little less lonely, _a little less silent_. "Love you," he whispered.  His muscles were still twitching as his heart slowed back to a steady thud in his chest - almost the same rhythm as Dean's. 

"Love you," Dean returned and gently pulled out of him. Within moments he had the cooling come wiped from both their bodies and was once more curled on the bed, tugging Sam's body into him. Tomorrow their life would resume, they would head to their next hunt, would live the life they knew so well. Until then, Dean would cling to him and hold him close, drinking in his comfort and love.

"Stars," Sam pointed sleepily at the space between the Motel room curtains.  The dark blue sky was so clear it almost appeared to be overrun with stars.  Sam didn't think that Dean took enough moments to simply look around and enjoy things.  The older Winchester worried so much sometimes that Sam wished he could just take the worry away, be the one who was responsible for everything for a while.

Dean shifted to look out the window and nodded slowly, "clear night. It's..." Dean shrugged and rolled back to his brother, flopping down heavily on the pillow. "They're just stars. We've seen them practically every night of our lives." He chuckled softly and closed his eyes.

Clearing his throat quietly, Sam tensed a little, like he always did when he was going to try and say something that took more than a couple of words. "My eyes..." Rolling onto Dean he stared down at his closed eyes know that eventually Dean would look at him.

With a soft sigh Dean peeled his eyes open and stared up at his brother. "What?" He asked softly, hands reaching up to smooth Sam's hair back along his head.

"You," he poked a finger gently at Dean's chest, "see my eyes practically every night."  His lips twitched into a grin.  "You keep lookin," he whispered roughly, "you still like 'em."  Satisfied, he grinned.  He cleared his throat again and wrinkled his nose.

Dean chuckled and leaned up to press a kiss to Sam's lips, dropping back and flicking Sam's nose softly with his finger. "Yeah well I'm in love with you. I'm not in love with the stars. So it stands to reason that I would spend more time staring at you. Plus you change. Whenever the stars do I don't notice," Dean nodded, grinning brightly at his logic.

Rolling his eyes Sam pressed his hand to Dean's chest and snuggled in beside him.  "Crazy," he murmured as he closed his eyes.

Once more Dean let his eyes fall closed, small chuckle leaving his lips. "Yeah well you love me so be careful who you call crazy," he mumbled around the tug of sleep and sighed softly.

 

Sam _fucking_ hated Ghouls.  They were nasty-assed, miserable, violent, sneaky sons of bitches and the fact that Sam and Dean were hunting one was quite distasteful to Sam.  Low grumbling sounds drifted across the mausoleum floor through the gates on the door.  Oh yeah.  Ghouls could turn into hyenas.  Sam hated Ghouls.  The unmistakable sounds of flesh being torn from a freshly interned body had Sam turning to Dean in the moonlight with his mouth twisted into a silent, disgusted expression.  Shaking his head he tugged on Dean's arm, _screw it_, let some other hunter come along and kill the damn thing.  It was only eating _dead_ people.  Shuddering Sam pressed up against Dean's back.  The strangest feeling was slithering down his spine; a sort of cold dread was threading it's way through his body.  He tugged harder on Dean's arm hoping his eyes would show how much he wanted them to go.  "Dean," he whispered, "let's go."

"C'mon, you can do this," Dean insisted, turning to Sam slightly. "We'll get in, finish it off and get out. Seriously Sam, we'll be out of here in no time," he smiled reassuringly at his brother and cupped the back of his neck softly. "You wanna wait in the car? I can get this one if it would be easier." Dean's eyes shifted toward the mostly disgusting noises coming from not that far away. He could at least understand Sam's hesitation.

Sam tilted his head, eyes fully of worry.  There was something different about this, it didn't feel _right_.  Then again, there was no way he was going to leave Dean alone.  Sighing, he bumped his fist against Dean's chest, _be careful_.  Sam pushed up to a crouch and pulled out the longer silver blade he was carrying.  Even more _awesome_ than the fact that these were Ghouls was that they could only be killed by removing or smashing their heads.  Sam foresaw a lot more laundry in his future.  Frowning he nodded at Dean to let him know he was ready.

They moved forward as quietly as possible. In theory the Ghouls shouldn't be that interested in harming them, not until they became a threat at least. Then it was understandable that the creatures would fight in defence for their existence. As they slid inside the doorway Dean's face scrunched up in disgust. Nothing like two disgusting creatures feeding on dead flesh to churn your stomach. His eyes darted to Sam, making sure he had adjusted to the dim light of the mausoleum, surveyed the environment, was ready for the attack. Sam nodded shortly at him and Dean rocked back to bump their shoulders together before they broke apart and snuck around the creatures, circling in for the best angle of attack.

Their eyes met once over the heads of the Ghouls and Sam and Dean both launched toward the creatures.  Sam slammed into the back of the smaller of the two Ghouls, knife at-the-ready only to be flipped forward over its shoulder.  All the breath shot out of Sam's body and he snapped his arm back to pull the creatures legs out from under it.  In the time it took to fall against the cold marble floor Sam's eyes snapped over to Dean and saw him locked in battle with the larger Ghoul.  Leaping up to a crouch Sam propelled himself forward and slammed his body down on the ghouls bringing the knife up to it's throat.  One strong slash at the Ghouls disgusting flesh and it's head was partially several from its body.  Foul smelling, putrid black blood splattered up over Sam's jacket, bubbling and spurting.  He sliced frantically at the neck of the creature as it feebly tried to buck him off. 

Dean lurched against the Ghoul, stumbling slightly as a large arm connected with his chest. He caught a glimpse of his brother's blade piercing the other creatures flesh and couldn't help the swell of pride, Sam was a damn fine hunter, despite his reservations about taking this hunt. A gnarled hand curled hard against his throat and Dean's eyes widened, arm swinging out to connect the blade in his grasp into the creatures flesh. It wasn't hard enough to severe, only made the thing more pissed then it had been. His eyes darted over the Ghouls ghost as it lifted him from the ground, watching Sam for a split second before he was sent hurtling fast and hard across the room. Something connected with a sharp crack along his skull and Dean groaned before everything went black, body sagging down into a heap along cold cement.

Sam's last strike severed the Ghouls head and he lurched up off its body and staggered a few steps trying to catch his breath.  He saw his brother's body in a crumpled heap and yelled out "Dean!"  Heading straight for the Ghoul at the exact same moment as is it lurched to its feet to resume its attack on Dean.  Arm flying up, knife at the ready, Sam closed the distance to the Ghoul with lightening speed stabbing his blade straight through its neck.  Adrenaline surged through his body, spurred on by his worry for his brother.  _Dean_.  Anger like he had never felt flooded through his body and he yanked the knife back out of its disgusting flesh and swung his arm wide to slash back across the wound that his brother had started.  The creatures head rolled back and tore off its body and before it's body even hit the ground Sam had sunk to his knees at Dean's side.

_Breathing_, Dean was breathing.  Sam's hands moved down his brother's arms, over his chest, checked carefully for deformities along the back of Dean's neck.  "Dean?"  Sam's voice was rough, quite, fingers curling into Dean's firm shoulders.  Dean's breathing was shallow and Sam could see a pool of dark blood creeping out from under his brother's head.  _God_.  Sam's fingers rubbed at Dean's chest trying to wake him.  "Dean..." he choked on a whimper.

"Wha..." Dean's eyes fluttered. Darkness. Frowning he reached out for his brother, touching his arm after a few moments of searching. "Sam? What happened? Are they dead?" The words sounded slightly slurred even to his own ears and he struggled up, body aching slightly at the movements. "Fuck, ow," he groaned and rubbed at his eyes, struggling against the darkness.

"Dead.." Sam murmured, "bleeding."  His hands moved over Dean's face as he shuffled on his knees behind his brother so he could check his head.  Sam hissed as he parted his brother's hair gently and saw a huge gash, "need hospital. Stitches."  Moving back around to meet his brother's gaze Sam frowned when Dean wouldn't look at him.  "Hey, you okay?"  Dean's eyes were blinking rapidly then he squeezed them shut.  "Dean?"

"M'okay," Dean insisted, trying desperately to stifle the panic rising up in him. His vision would return. He just got knocked in the head for fuck's sake it was just a _thing_ and it would go away. "Help me up," he urged, reaching out for his brother. He didn't bother objecting to the hospital. Stitches would best be done by a professional, and if his sight hadn't fixed itself by then he'd ask about it. No need to unnecessarily worry his brother. "You drive," he added, as if it weren't already obvious.

_Something was wrong_.  Sam helped his brother up and tore the bottom of his t-shirt off, scrunched it up and pressed it to the wound on the back of Dean's head.  "Hold," he said as he slid his arm under his brother's to steady him.  "Was wrong?"  Dean wasn't moving with his usual confidence and he was leaning awfully hard against Sam's side.  Huffing out a frustrated breath Sam started them off toward the door.

Dean swallowed hard and pressed his hand firmly against the fabric. They were moving and Dean knew where, he'd just traveled this path, but it felt like everything was tilting sideways, swirling until he couldn't grasp hold. "I can't..." he sucked in a quick breath, eyes fluttering again. Dean had suffered blurred vision before, he'd even seen big black spots once when they came across a werewolf that had slammed him into the wall. This was different. There was simply nothing. "Sam," he groaned and stopped moving, rolling slightly into his brother's frame. "I can't see."

Sam didn't panic often but the thought of his brother not being able to see made it feel like his heart had exploded in his chest.  Biting down on his bottom lip for a moment, Sam hiked Dean up and held him closer.  "'Cause of head, will be okay."  He forced himself to sound confident.  The last thing that Dean needed was to feel like he was frightening Sam.  It was a short walk to the car but each time Dean was unsure of his footing, stumbled or clung to Sam harder than usual, Sam's heart sank in his chest a little more.  Once they were at the car Sam opened the door and settled Dean inside before running around quickly to get behind the wheel.  "S'okay..." Sam murmured reaching out for Dean's hand as soon as he had put the car in drive.

Riding in the car without sight was more terrifying then Dean could ever have imagined. It was one thing to be asleep, to feel the comforting shifting of the road, the familiar hum of the engine. In this new darkness Dean was all too aware that he wasn't asleep. The engine noises should have been comforting but there was still a too strong ache in his body and no matter how many times he dropped his eyelids and lifted them, it was only darkness. The doctor's would fix this, they had too. You couldn't get blinded just by hitting your head, it was a temporary thing. Dean _had_ to believe that because there was no acceptable alternative. "We almost there?" He asked quietly, trying to shove down the fear prickling along his skin.

"Yeah," Sam squeezed Dean's hand tightly, "two minutes."  He could only imagine what it must be like for Dean not knowing where they were, he was so used to being in control of things.  The bright lights of the hospital appeared in the distance and Sam cleared his throat, it was aching, normal he wouldn't say this many things in an entire day.  "See it."  He drove straight ahead until he saw the emergency entrance and found the first parking spot he could. There was no way he was walking Dean further than he had to.  Glancing over at Dean he could see worry creasing his brother's face, "keep pressure."  Turning off the car Sam slipped out quickly and jogged around to help Dean out and within seconds they were headed across the street toward the emergency room.

"Okay, let me do most of the talking," Dean said softly, though that was pretty obvious too. There was no way Sam would be talking to complete strangers. "Hey, how do I look? If I... if I say I fell off the roof or something, is that going to pass?" Dean hated this whole thing and it was really beginning to settle unpleasantly in the pit of his stomach. He was grasp for some hold on things and if it weren't for Sam against his side, Dean wasn't sure he would be able to handle it.

"'Cept for Ghoul blood," Sam's mind wasn't working like it should.  Reaching around he brushed some of the dust and dirt off of Dean's jacket.  "Say ... were sealing roof and fell."  He couldn't think of any other damn explanation for the black ooze that was all over them.  They looked like they'd been massacring oil cans.  "Will be okay," Sam's voice was getting rougher and quieter, his grip on Dean tighter.  The doors to the emergency room slid open with a mechanical swoosh and they were inside.  Sam blinked furiously in the stark fluorescent lighting and moved them over to the admitting desk.  "Here..."  He rested his hand on Dean's chest, _I love you_.  "My brother..." Sam murmured at the nurse behind the counter.

"Oh my goodness," the nurse stood up, walking quickly around the desk. "Are you alright sir?"

Dean tilted his head toward the voice, a little unnerved by how upset she sounded. Did he really look that bad? Sam and he were used to thinking of things in less extremes then other people saw them. "I uh... we were working on a house. Sealing the roof and I feel. Gotta pretty nasty cut on the back of my head and I... I can't see," saying the words were a second time made his heart sink heavy in his chest, especially when the nurse inhaled sharply.

"Well, let's get you in back then, your brother can stay here and fill out the paperwork," the nurse said swiftly and a moment later Dean felt fingers over his arm.

"I, no. No I want him to come with. Can he fill them out in back? It's... I really just can't be alone right now, please," Dean slid easily into his persuasive mood, using his good looks and charm to get his way. He supposed being so badly injured could only add to the affect.

The nurse seemed to think for a minute, at least she was silent so Dean assumed she was thinking, before sighing, "oh alright, just a moment."

Dean listened to her shoes click along the tile before he turned slightly to Sam, "no matter what they say or do, do _not_ leave me side clear?" He leaned heavy against the familiar heat of his brother, wishing that every deep breath he pulled in didn't come with the added layer of hospital sterilization. 

"'Kay," Sam's fingers curled through Dean's belt loop and pulled him along the hallway following the bustling nurse.  Her scrubs had little Garfield's on them which was almost entirely _too_ strange for Sam.  It wasn't until he was about to nudge Dean and get him to look that the full impact of him being _sightless_ started to hit him.  _God_.  "They'll fix it," Sam whispered wanting _so_ badly to brush his lips against Deans cheek.  He settled for rubbing his thumb along the flesh above his brother's waistband.  The nurse led them to a curtained area and Sam glanced over at her, wondering what to do.  "On the bed?"

"Yeah go ahead and get him up there, then I'll need you to fill this out including the insurance card," the nurse informed and set a clipboard on the counter. "Sir, what's your name? I'm sorry i don't believe you mentioned it before."

Dean's mind fluttered, trying to remember what name they had on their insurance card. "David. David McMillan," he muttered and allowed Sam to help him up onto the bed. "This is my brother Reese, he uh, doesn't talk much. Should I be in a gown or something?"

"Of course, here's one," the nurse stepped forward and Dean found himself wondering if she held it out to him for a moment before realizing she had to give it to Sam. "I'm going to get a doctor, I'll be back in a few minutes to get your vitals so go ahead and get changed."

Dean listened to the curtain shift and once it had closed again he turned toward Sam, "Sam, if I... if I need surgery to fix this. We can't cover that. The insurance, it was never for something so major. Surgery costs a lot." Dean pulled in a deep breath, lifting his arms slightly to let Sam pull his shirt up.

Sam tugged his brother's shirt up over his head, folded it then set it on the chair.  "I'll get money.  Don't ..." Sam's voice was strained, he knew it.  He would do whatever he had to do to take care of his brother.  No question.  He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean's while they were alone, brow furrowing when Dean started at the touch.  "I'll take care of it," he whispered into the kiss.  Squeezing the back of dean's neck Sam pressed their foreheads together for a few moments then moved to unbutton his brother's jeans. 

He knew Dean could have done it himself, but he felt like they were both needing to be touching, close, and this was as good a way as any.  Dean's fingers curled over Sam's shoulder as he stepped out of his jeans.  Reaching behind him Sam grabbed the gown and held it up.  "Arms to me," he said and when Dean lifted his arms Sam slid the gown on then moved behind Dean to do up the tie.  "Sexy," he murmured and pressed a kiss to the back of his brother's neck. 

Helping his brother into the bed felt horrible.  Sam had never seen Dean looking so lost -or- trying so hard _not_ to look lost.  Once Dean was settled on the hospital bed Sam filled out the forms quickly, using their fake insurance cards. 

"Okay Mr. McMillan, let's get you looked over," the nurse said upon re-entering the room, crossing the room to stand by him. Dean listened to her moving around, trying to figure out what she was going. Moments later he felt the cuff of the blood pressure machine sliding around him, followed by the whirring of the machine as it tightened. "It looks like this wound on the back of your head is definitely going to need stitches, then the doctor can address the eyesight issue. Are you having pain anywhere else?"

Dean swallowed and did a cursory over his body, searching for areas that ached more intensely than other spots. "I... no. I'm sore but I don't think there's anything else major. Nothing a few Advil's can't cure."

"Well I'll hook you up to the IV and we can give you some pain meds that way. The doctor will also use an anaesthetic for the stitches," she informed and the hands on Dean's body that had been checking his vitals disappeared. There was shuffling, things opening and closing, and Dean couldn't help turning his head as if to look. He wondered where exactly Sam was standing, if his face was etched with worry and concern. "Okay, I'm just going to put the needle in now," the nurse said softly and moments later Dean felt the sharp prick in the crook of his arm. "All set. The doctor should be in within a few minutes. Have you finished with the papers?" the nurse had obviously turned toward Sam now and Dean sighed softly settling back on the pillow.

Sam handed the nurse the paperwork and shifted closer quickly, sitting down on the edge of Dean's bed.  Slipping his fingers into Dean's hand, Sam whispered, "need to touch you."  He swallowed.  The weight of the entire situation was starting to press into Sam.  All those questions, _next of kin_, _allergies and previous illnesses_, _consent for medical procedures_.  Sam sucked in a shaky breath, "you okay?"

"I..." Dean wet his lips and turned his head toward his brother. "No. Not really." He worried his voice shook too much but at this point it didn't really matter. Sam had to know how freaked out he was and Dean was fairly certain Sam was probably just as freaked. "It'll be okay. I'm gonna be okay. They'll fix it," he insisted, squeezing Sam's hand tightly.

Nodding, Sam pressed his lips together then realized Dean couldn't hear him.  "Yeah, you're right," his throat was aching, dry and rough.  A drink of water or something would be perfect but he wasn't going to let go of Dean's hand.  His fingers slid up Dean's forearm, skirting around the site of the I.V.; Sam was starting to realized how much he depended on Dean, on Dean being able to see him and judge what he was thinking and feeling.  "Sore?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded slowly, focusing in on Sam's touch. His words had sounded rough, raw, and Dean couldn't help frowning. Though Sam was getting better with talking it still wasn't something he did constantly and if Dean couldn't see than that would alter everything between them. Dean wouldn't be able to read his notes, wouldn't be able to glance over at him and know exactly what was going on in his mind just by the way he stood. Dean's heart lurched unpleasant and he covered his mouth with his free hand. "Fuck I think I'm going to be sick." He grunted the words, clenching his useless eyes shut more out of habit than anything else. 

Moving quickly Sam grabbed the bed pan of the night table and swung it into Dean's lap.  He shifted so he was sitting right beside Dean and tucked his brother under his arm.  "S'okay, I gotcha," his hand moved in slow circles on Dean's back.  His brother's face had gone pale, his freckles standing out as sweat beaded on his forehead.  Sam looked around frantically for a nurse wondering if the pain meds were making Dean nauseous.

Dean threw up whatever it was they'd had for dinner, sucking in deep breaths to try and get himself under control. He couldn't live without his eye sight, what would he do? You can't hunt blind. And Sam...

"Hey there," an overly cheery voice came with the dragging back of the curtain and Dean listened to his slight hesitation before the man approached. "Feeling a little sick to your stomach? Let me have the nurse get you some water."

"Was that the doctor?" Dean asked quietly, sitting back once he was certain he wasn't going to do a repeat performance of throwing up.

"Yeah, white coat, expensive shoes..." Sam huffed quietly and slid the bed pan back onto the nightstand.  His arm moved up to Dean's shoulder pulling his brother close to him.  Screw appearances.  Sam's lips brushed quickly across Dean's temple and he whispered, "think he'll be right back."

"Good, I just want to get this over with," Dean mumbled.

"Okay sorry about that, she'll be right in with some water. Now, David is it?" The doctor crossed the room and Dean listened to the rustle of paper as he moved. "My name is Dr. Ward, I'm going to take a look at you, see what we can do to get you seeing again okay? But first take a look at that cut."

Dean leaned forward, turning toward Sam and dropping his legs off the side of the bed when the doctor guided him around. His fingers extended, dragging along the denim covering Sam's thigh before hooking in his belt loop. Who cared at this point if the doctor could see, they didn't owe anyone an explanation.

"Alright you're going to feel a slight pinch, that's the anaesthetic, then you won't feel the stitches part at all okay?" The doctor informed and tore open a package. "And the best part is these will dissolve so you won't have to come back in to get them removed. Ready?"

Dean tugged gently on Sam's belt loop, pulling him closer. "Yeah. I'm ready." He flinched slightly at the pinch before the doctor withdrew the needle. Sam stepped a little closer and Dean sucked in a quick breath to gather his scent, seeking the comfort from familiarity.

"Okay," the doctor cleared his throat sometime later, pushing back from the bed, "why don't you go ahead and lay back and we'll take a look at your eyes. It says you fell off the roof, did you hit your head?"

"Yeah, pretty damn hard," Dean murmured as Sam helped him turn back in the bed. He was getting sleepy, the pain medicine working its way through him. "This will clear up right? I mean, it's just a temporary thing."

"Well, depends on what it is," the doctor said softly and Dean felt fingers on his cheeks, lifting his eye lids. "We're going to need to run a few tests. I'll put the order in for them right away and hopefully we can give you a better idea what we're dealing with here. Until then, why don't you just try and get some rest." A large hand clamped down on his shoulder for a moment before he turned away and a moment later Dean heard the curtain draw back.

"Well that was all sorts of helpful," Dean muttered and turned toward Sam, reaching out for him.

"Dean..." Sam chastised gently but he knew his brother, he was worried.  Glancing around nervously Sam worried his bottom lip then leaned back on the bed and pulled Dean into his arms.  "They need to do tests," he whispered against his brother's temple, "you know that."  Sam's wide hand cupped his brother's injured skull, fingers framing the wound as his thumb rubbed gently at Dean's neck.  Sam started rocking slightly, unconsciously trying to soothe his brother.

"Yeah I know," Dean nodded and sighed softly, settling back on the bed.

 

[Part 02](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/79271.html)

[Master Post is here](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean from ["A Thousand Touches"](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html) are back in this sequel.  Time has passed, the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer. An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.&lt;/p&gt;

  
  
  
**Entry tags:** |   
[a thousand whispers](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/a+thousand+whispers), [char and brie](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/char+and+brie), [sam/dean](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/sam/dean), [slash](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/slash)  
  
---|---  
  
_**[Slash] A Thousand Whispers 02/04 - Sam/Dean**_  
**Title:** A Thousand Whispers 02/04  
**Authors:** [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=cha)[Charlotte](http://www.livejournal.com/users/cha/) and [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=anyothergirl415)[Miss. Brie](http://www.livejournal.com/users/anyothergirl415/)  
**Pairing:** Sam/Dean  
**Rating/Warnings:** NC-17,   
**Disclaimer:** Kripke's boys, not ours, even if we want them to be.  
**Summary:** Sam and Dean from ["A Thousand Touches"](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html) are back in this sequel.  Time has passed, the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer. An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.&lt;/p&gt;

[Master Post](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html)

 

  
"Mr. McMillan?" A large hand was shaking his shoulder slightly and Dean turned to toward the voice, eyes fluttering for several moments before he remembered that it was no use. "Sorry to wake you but we've gotten your tests results back."

Dean straightened slightly, hand going to Sam's head where his brother was asleep against the side of the bed. "Okay so what is it? When will it go away?"

Sam stirred in time to hear his brother's voice; his body ached as he sat up and rubbed at his eyes. The Doctor smiled at him politely and Sam's fingers threaded through Dean's.

"Well," the doctor sighed softly and Dean felt his shoulders tense. It was never a good thing if the doctor sounded hesitant. "It looks like your retinas have detached, from the force of your head hitting the ground I'm sure. Now this isn't nearly as bad as I'm sure it sounds to you. We can take you into surgery and repair them and you'll get your vision back with time. But like most surgeries you always run a risk going in."

Dean felt his heart sink, eyes turning around the room pointlessly. "I... we can't..." He swallowed thickly and rubbed at his forehead. "I need a minute to talk to my brother. Can you just... go away."

The doctor was silent for a moment, in which Dean suspected he nodded, before he cleared his throat and said, "of course I'll come back in a few minutes to go over options."

When Dean was certain the doctor was gone he shifted toward his brother, "Sam..." he whispered, reaching out with his free hand for him. "What are we going to do?"

Watching Dean's hand reach out tentatively for Sam, not knowing where he was nearly busted Sam's heart in half. He grabbed his brother's hand firmly. "I'll fix it," Sam hoped he sounded more certain than he was. "I'll get money." Pressing his lips together firmly, Sam's brow furrowed and he looked down at Dean's still dirty hands. "I can..." Sam swallowed, "hustle pool... or something."

"I can panhandle, get a sign or something," Dean huffed and tightened his fingers around Sam's. "How do we get out of here now? I just want to go back to the motel. I don't want to be here anymore. I need..." he swallowed around the panic pulsing through him, tilting his head up toward his brother's voice. "Can we just go?"

Blinking a few times Sam shifted on the bed. "Listen to me, Dean." He leaned closer, forehead pressing against Dean's temple, lips grazing his brother's cheek. "This will be okay." Sam swallowed, wincing slightly. "I will go and get the Doctor back and we'll listen to options." Sam's voice faded to barely above a whisper, "it _will_ be okay... s'my turn to take care of you okay?" He brushed his lips along Dean's cheek squeezing his eyes shut. "Took care of me my whole life."

"I..." Dean sighed and forced himself to nod. He wanted to just _go_ but he supposed it made sense to listen to what the doctor had to say as far as options. They needed to have some idea of how much the surgery cost anyway."But we'll leave after we talk to him right?"

Shaking his head and huffing out a small laugh, Sam kissed the corner of Dean's mouth. "If we can, yeah." He slipped off the bed and disappeared through the curtain returning moments later with the doctor then quickly returned to his spot at Dean's side. He didn't like the way Dean looked when he was sitting there alone on the bed. Didn't like it at all.

"Okay Mr. McMillan have you thought a little more about the surgery?" Dr. Ward asked as he settled onto the chair beside Dean's bed. "It's about a two, three hour procedure. You'll have bandages over your eyes for a few days after then within a couple of weeks things should start to go back to normal. Though it could take up to a year for things to be one hundred percent okay? So if that all sounds okay we can get you set up and you'll be on your way home by the end of the day."

Dean would have stared wide eyed at the doctor if he could have. Talk about mind overload. "We can't afford that. Our insurance doesn't cover big procedures like that."

"Oh, I see," the doctor hummed in thought before falling silent.

"Schedule the surgery," Sam said quietly, "I can get this sorted out by then." Sam took a deep breath and smiled at the doctor. _God_, how could Dean even suggest that they _not_ do this. Sitting up a little straighter Sam glanced at Dean's face then back at the doctor, "can I take him home? Phone me?"

"Well," the doctor said hesitant and Dean's heart clenched slightly, terrified the man would suggest Dean continue to stay until the surgery. "I can schedule the surgery for next week right now or you could call and make an appointment for later. Let me go and get the check out sheets, the nurse will be in to take out the IV and give you a prescription for pain meds. If you have any questions you can give me a call any time."

Dean listened to the doctor moving and turned slightly toward Sam, pursing his lips. "Where are my clothes?"

Sam was getting frustrated, "just a sec." He moved quickly, rubbing at his throat as he moved across the room to retrieve his brother's clothes. Untying the gown Sam whispered, "get dressed I'll be back. Leave shirt for IV...for nurse" Without waiting for Dean to speak Sam slipped through the curtain to catch the Doctor before he moved away and asked him to schedule the surgery and call his cell with the information. Following a nurse back into the room he watched as Dean sat impatiently, waiting to get then IV site bandaged. "Thanks," he murmured in the nurse's general direction as he held out Dean's shirt. "Shirt... arms..." he whispered.

Holding up his arms Dean let his brother slide the material on, sighing softly as he pushed up off the bed. He just wanted to be out of the hospital now, just wanted to curl against Sam's side on the bed and go to sleep. Then maybe he'd wake up and this whole thing would be just some horrible nightmare. "How long did you give us to get the money?" He asked softly, reaching out to graze his fingers along Sam's side.

Sighing Sam tugged Dean's t-shirt all the way down and reached back for his brother's jacket. "Almost two weeks," it was a slight exaggeration. It was closer to one week than two but Sam didn't want to worry about that. There was simply _no_ alternative and Sam seriously started to consider the possibility he would lose it. Helping Dean into his jacket he smoothed his brother's hair back from his forehead and whispered, "let's go."

Sam moved them through the curtain and stopped briefly at the nurse's station to pick up the prescription then tugged Dean close against his side and they passed once more through the sliding door out into the night air.

Dean tried not to cling to Sam too hard as they moved to the car. He knew his brother had to be worried, probably exhausted from the weight of it all. "Sam, are you okay?" He asked softly as they stopped the car, Dean leaning against the cool metal of his car as Sam unlocked the door.

Feeling tears prickling in his eyes Sam shook his head silently as he reached up to stroke his brother's cheek. If anything happened to Dean.... "M'fine," he murmured and opened the door for his brother. "get in..." Clearing his throat Sam swiped at a tear on his cheek and helped Dean into the passenger seat. He walked slowly around to the driver's side of the car, taking a few extra moments to pull himself together before slipping behind the wheel. "Drugstore? Then motel?"

"I'm not in pain, we can just go to the motel," Dean insisted and slid across the seat and rest against his brother's side. It seemed to be taking all his remaining energy to not break down completely. He tried to tell himself that they'd figure this out, they'd find a way to pay for it and he'd be okay. He _had_ to be. "You know Sam, maybe... maybe we should call dad. Maybe he'll have... some advice or something," he said softly, reaching out to touch his arm. His fingers settled on Sam's thigh instead but it worked just as well.

Sam was surprised at the relief he felt at Dean's suggestion. "Maybe," he said, "he'd want to know." His fingers threaded through Dean's. They drove in silence for a while, lost in thought, Sam resting his aching throat. By the time they pulled up at the Motel Sam felt like he'd been awake for days. "Okay... let's go." Pushing his door open he hauled himself around the car to find Dean already half way out. Taking his brother's hand he led him over to the door and unlocked it, guiding Dean inside. "Shower or - want me to wash you up." Sam's shoulders sagged a little and he rubbed at his eyes.

"I... I'll shower," Dean insisted and took a few steps into the room, toeing off his shoes and kicking them across the room. Dean couldn't resist blinking a few times, leaning forward as if his sight would magically return. He rubbed his palm hard into his eye, taking a few little steps toward the bathroom. He had to show Sam he could do this, he was still the older brother, still in control of himself. "You should drink some water, don't talk for awhile, rest up."

Sam's heart clenched as he watched Dean and he reached out, "Dean, can I ... come with? Need you..." he murmured. _That_ wasn't a lie, or an exaggeration. Stepping closer he slid his hands under his brother's jacket and pressed up close against his chest.

"Yeah," Dean nodded and wet his lips, needing that more than he would admit out loud. His heart felt so heavy, too much for him to handle. He allowed Sam to pull his coat off before turning to him, laying a hand on Sam's chest and sliding up until he could curl his fingers around his brother's neck. "Sammy..." he murmured, blowing out a nervous breathe as he stepped into the familiar heat. "I'm sorry... I wish... god Sam..."

"S'gonna be okay," Sam murmured even as he pressed his lips to Dean's. His brother smelled like the hospital and Sam hated it, wanted that scent off him. Sam's hands moved frantically against his brother's jeans, tugging on the button and zipper as he sucked Dean's bottom lip. Pushing his brother's jeans down over his hips Sam tugged, starting them moving toward the bathroom. "Dean..." Sam fought back tears again, he just wanted to make everything right, _fix_ Dean.

"I know," Dean dragged his hands hard along Sam's body, working at the fabric until he could pull Sam's shirt off. He listened to his brother's quiet movements, the soft inhale, the swoosh of fabric as he dropped the shirt to the ground. A moment later he could feel the cool tile of the bathroom under his feet, hand reaching out to touch the wall and steady himself so Sam could turn on the shower. He sighed softly and pushed off his jeans and boxers, kicking them to the side.

Sam wrenched the taps open and started a flood of hot water. Standing he shrugged out of his jeans and slipped his fingers back in Dean's hand, tugging him toward the shower. "Here," he said as he stepped under the downpour of water. Dipping his head back into the hard spray, Sam felt his shoulders relax. "M'bruised up..." he mumbled as he leaned forward again, checking out his arms. Snatching the soap out of the soap dish he lathered it up in his hands and started rubbing Dean's shoulders and chest.

"Oh," Dean murmured and trailed his fingers along Sam's skin. "I'm sorry I didn't even ask how you are, shit," he sighed softly and dragged his hand through the soap on his body, reaching out to rub along his brother's chest. He would always know the familiar lines and curves of his brother's body and here he could close his eyes and pretend like he was simply enjoying the moment. It was easier to force himself not to think about the darkness, someone had to be the stronger of the two of them and Dean felt like those lines were blurring together.

"No, m'fine just bruised." Sam slid in front of Dean, bodies gliding together. "Keep cut out of water." Sam's fingers moved over Dean's face washing away what was left of the creature's blood. He couldn't stop his mind from going to all the darker places in his head. What happened if Sam couldn't find the money? What if something went wrong with the surgery and Dean's vision didn't come back completely ... or worse? Brow furrowed, Sam moved slick with soap into Dean's arms and buried his face in his brother's neck. "Throat aches," he mumbled before locking his mouth onto his brother's damp skin.

"I know, you don't have to talk anymore," Dean insisted, head dipping back as his body pressed forward into Sam's. "I know you're here with me. I don't need the words," he whispered and wrapped his arms around Sam's body, clinging to him. He backed Sam up slightly so they both could feel the spray of the water. Dean had no idea how things would work with Sam and him if he could never see again. It was basically going to force Sam to talk and Dean had spent his whole life _not_ forcing Sam. "God this sucks," he murmured and tightened his arms around Sam.

Eye lids fluttering closed Sam nodded against Dean's neck. He didn't want to speak again just because he was too upset to even come up with the right things to say. Part of him couldn't help hoping that they would go to bed and when Dean opened his eyes in the morning - everything would be fine, back to normal. If Sam had just moved a little faster on the hunt, argued harder with Dean about how his older brother _always_ took the more dangerous tasks. "M'sorry..."

"Don't be, it's not your fault and you know it," Dean reasoned and tightened his arms around Sam. In fact Dean was pretty certain Sam had to know it was really all Dean's fault. Too head strong, too over confident. If Dean hadn't just assumed that taking down the Ghoul would be a piece of cake than he wouldn't even be in this place. They lingered in the shower until the water grew less hot and more lukewarm and Dean slid back. "C'mon, I'm exhausted and I know you are too." He hesitated inside the shower, surprised by how scared he felt to even take a step forward. But Sam was there, reassuring and leading him out of the shower, pressing a towel to his chest.

Dean didn't know what time it was but knew for sure it was late at night and definitely too late to call their dad. That was a good thing because even though Dean had suggested the idea he wasn't exactly eager to go through with it. He would, if only because this was one of those times they really did need help and if Dean was completely honest with himself, he needed his dad right now. Sam guided him over to the bed and Dean backed up until his calves touched the mattress, slowly dropping down. He couldn't believe that just hours ago they'd been sitting in the room trying to find where the Ghouls were. Dean felt like he'd been in darkness for days, weeks, like someone had blindfolded him and was offering him everything if he could just _see_.

Sam rubbed at Dean's hair gently with the towel, making sure he stayed far away from the bandages then stood there staring down at his brother's strained expression. "You need anything?" His fingers moved to a faint bruise on Dean's cheek.

"Just you," Dean whispered and sighed shakily, sliding back on the bed with a hand extended so he knew where the mattress ended. Once he was settled under the blankets he rolled toward where his brother had last been, holding out a hand for him. Dean could feel his strength wavering, could feel the weight of everything beginning to press down into him, and he was certain his hand was shaking. "Sammy?" He breathed, wetting his lips nervously.

"Right here," Sam's lips were a thin line, his eyes squeezed shut for a moment then he grabbed his brother's hand and sank into the bed. They fit together easily, automatically knowing where to put arms and legs only this time Sam curved his hands gently around Dean's head and brought it to his chest so he could hear Sam's heart beat. His arms tightened around Dean's shoulders as his mouth brushed his brother's damp hair, "love you."

"Love you too," Dean mumbled into Sam's chest and inhaled deeply. They could do this, they could make it work and Dean had to cling to that. "Night," he mumbled once more and squeezed his eyes closed, even if it didn't really matter in the long run whether his eyes were open or closed. It was hard to accept even as the thought filtered across his mind.

 

It was dark when Dean woke and it took him several minutes to realize it would continue to be dark no matter how many times he opened and closed his eyes. Sam's chest moved beneath his head, slowly up and down, and Dean listened to the gentle inhale then exhale. There was the slightest wheeze that Dean had never noticed before. Laying there on Sam was warm and comforting and Dean considered closing his eyes and willing away consciousness. But there was that pressing need to empty his bladder so he slid back pushing slowly along the mattress until his feet dropped over the edge and landed on slightly stiff carpet.

Dean swallowed thickly and curved his fingers along the mattress edge, breathing deeply. _I can do this_. It took more strength then Dean anticipated to push up off the bed and take a step away from the bed. His hands extended automatically, searching for purchase in thin air. Dean moved forward, _one foot in front of another_, slowly. It shouldn't have been a scary thing, the room was basic and so very like all the other ones they seemed to be blurring together in his mind. Was there a table there? Was the bathroom further down the wall or closer?

A slow sigh fell from his lips as his fingers finally connected with the cool wall, spreading out and gaining comfort from something solid. Without something to hold onto he felt a little like he was floating in clouds, set adrift to find his own way. Dean slid his hand over the surface until the tips of his fingers brushed along hard wood, the door frame of the bathroom. He practically rolled into the room, hand lingering over the door, sliding down to curl around the knob as he closed it quietly to keep from waking his brother.

Peeing was something he didn't ever consider difficult. Turned out doing it blind definitely wasn't easy. Mostly it was made of awkward moments, trying to guide himself to a place he couldn't even see. Dean was fairly certain there were some things about this blind thing that were going to be much worse than others. After he flushed and slid over to the sink, Dean stared at the place he knew the mirror was.

"Holy fuck," he whispered, heart clenching tightly. Dean wondered if his face was bruised, if his skin was paler than usual like it sometimes was at night or if the imprint of Sam's chest still lingered on his cheek. His hands lifted slowly to his hair, smoothing over hair that had still been wet when he went to sleep. If this were any other day he'd be brushing his teeth, his hair, styling it casually. Now Dean didn't even know where those things were, in his bag he supposed and he knew he could go find them but how could he style his hair without seeing it? How did he put toothpaste on his toothbrush without making a mess? What if he'd missed the toilet when he peed?

The cool liquid of a tear dragged down his cheek and Dean dropped his hand from his hair to his cheek, touching the liquid slowly. Cruel irony that he could still cry though he could no longer see. Dean thought if his eyes were going to be useless for sight then they might as well be completely useless. His hand fumbled in thin air for a few moments before connecting with the faucet, turning slowly. He let his hands soak under the spray before bringing a cup full up to swirl around his mouth, to splash across his face to hide the steady flow of tears that didn't seem to want to stop.

A few moments later he was slowly pulling the door open once more, heart sinking unpleasantly again. He took a small step into the room, toward where he thought the bed was. There was a strange mixture of fear and unease curling in him. It was just a walk across the room and he'd done it minutes before but letting go of the wall took actual force. Dean bent over slightly, arms extending low and out in front of him. _God_ he hoped Sam was still asleep, he had to look like an idiot, and he could feel the heat rising along his still damp face.

It only took a few steps to feel the soft curve of bed sheets but Dean sighed in relief, turning to drop down onto his ass on the mattress. This was going to be hell.

Sam had watched his brother struggle across the room, silent, knowing that Dean had to do some of these things even if it pained Sam to watch. Dean needed to know that he could do things, take care of himself. It was probably the most terrifying thing that Dean had ever been through - _he_ was the protector, the keeper. Sitting up Sam slid his arms under Dean's and clasped them across his chest. It had been a long time since he'd seen his brother cry and it hurt, stabbing pains in his chest because he knew there was very little he could do to make any of this shitty situation any better. He propped his chin on Dean's shoulder and kissed the warm skin below his ear. "Gonna be okay...." his voice was barely there, strained from the day before and strangled by emotion.

Dean sucked in a shaky breath and nodded, leaning back into Sam's chest. He should have figured his brother was awake, far too accustomed to being silent. "I know," he whispered and laid his hands over Sam's on his chest. "What time is it?" He asked quietly, not wanting to dwell on this any longer than he had too. They needed to get on with things, make a plan, call their dad, _make_ everything better.

Sam glanced over his shoulder, "Eight... why?" He tilted his head, trying to see Dean's expression.

"Figured we gotta figure things out, call Dad. Eight here? So nine there. He'll be up. I... I think he might help. And you can get online, find out how much the surgery is going to cost so we know..." Dean found comfort in laying out a plan, sorting out things they could do. It was almost like a hunt, just one much more personal.

"Want your phone?" Sam shifted on the bed crawling to the other side, catching the edge of Dean's jacket and tugging it off the chair. Searching through the pockets he found his brother's phone and pulled it out. He was holding it out for Dean when he realized that his brother couldn't see it nor would he be able to call up the number. _Fuck_, frozen for a few moments Sam moved through the contacts on his brother's phone. "You ready?" He spoke softly fighting back the swell of emotion, "to phone I mean." He dropped his eyes - staring at the phone.

"Uh... ready as I'll ever be," Dean shrugged and held out his palm for the phone. God he felt so lame that he couldn't even make a phone call by himself. Couldn't pick out his own clothes. Couldn't drive his _car_. Dean sucked in a quick breath and shook his head slightly, they needed to fix this. Now.

Sam pressed the cell phone into his brother's palm. "Just hit the midd... well, you know..." Sam moved up close to Dean's back again lying against him.

Dean pulled in another steadying breath before sliding his fingers over the buttons, pressing the right one and bringing the device to his ear. He'd spoken with his dad once since they left his house a few months ago and even then it had been just a brief thing, just to check in and let him know they were okay. Dean felt just a little guilty that he was calling now in need of help, not just to say hello.

"Yup," John cleared his throat and sat down hard on the kitchen chair.

"Hey dad," Dean tried to keep his voice steady though he figured he probably failed at that. Sighing softly he leaned into Sam's warmth and rubbed at his forehead. "It's Dean. Obviously. How's it going?"

"Goin' well, Son, you boys okay? Haven't heard from ya in a while." John sank back into the sofa and blinked in the early morning light

"Well..." Dean cleared his throat and dropped his hand to lie across Sam's leg, curling softly. "We were on a hunt last night, couple of Ghouls. And I... I kind of got thrown across the place, no big deal, I'm okay obviously. Well mostly okay. I... I can't see." Dean clenched his jaw, letting his dad take in that information before adding anything more.

John was silent for a few moments then sat up, leaning forward to lean his arms on his thighs. "As in... blind? Can't see?" He closed his eyes, pressing them with his thumb and forefinger. "Sam okay?"

"Sam's okay," Dean swallowed and released his tight hold on his brother's thigh. "You wanna say hi to him? He's right here." If Dean were a different person he might have sounded a little bitter with that question, instead it was understanding. He knew it would have been the first thing on his mind, properly assess the situation then tackle the big problem.

"Nope, that can wait, you bin to the hospital? What did the Doctor say?" John let his head fall back and stared up at the ceiling with a frown on his face.

"Went last night after... got some stitches and took some tests. He called it retinal detachment. He said there's a surgery, should fix things. We just... the insurance.... it's not something we ever anticipated on you know?" Dean sighed and knew that his father would put it together. They were asking for help, something Dean hadn't done for years, long before he took Sam away.

"Okay Dean, you listen son. I'm pretty sure if I know Sam - you've already got an appointment for the surgery. That kid never admits defeat." He shook his head, a slight smile passing across his face, "I've got some insurance at my job and a fair amount of money saved up. Did Sammy make you an appointment?"

"Yes," Dean couldn't help smiling as he leaned even harder against his brother, turning his head to lie on his shoulder. "He said its a little less than two weeks away. Do you... should we come up there?"

John pushed up off the couch, "You boys stay there, keep that appointment and I'll drive down. Gloria will sort out the work insurance for us. Where you at? What's the hospital?" He moved down the hallway to the bedroom and pulled his duffel bag out of the closet.

"We're in Surprise, Arizona. Banner Boswell is the hospital," Dean rubbed at his forward once more and wet his lips. "Thanks dad. I... just... thanks. You'll call when you're close? Still wanna talk to Sam?"

"I'll be there in ... well, sometime tomorrow and yeah, I'll say hi to Sam. Don't worry Dean..."

"Hard not to," Dean muttered before pulling the phone back and offering it to Sam. He didn't want his dad to hear how scared and unsure he was, in case he didn't already realize that this was the most terrifying thing Dean had ever experienced. Well except for that time a few months ago when he thought he might have lost Sam forever but they were too different to properly compare. "He wants to say hi," he informed his brother, offering the phone to thin air.

Sam took the phone and held it up to his ear, "Hi," he said softly.

John was already zipping up his bag. "On my way Sam. You know what your brother's like - don't let him... well," John coughed and rubbed his forehead, "don't let him get too down on himself. It's gonna kill him not to be able to take care of you."

It made Sam's heart ache a little to hear his Dad speak so fondly about Dean. "Yes, Sir." He caught his bottom lip between his teeth, breathing softly into the phone.

"I'm on my way, be there late tomorrow and we'll sort this. You take care of your brother Sammy, you hear?"

Sam smiled, "yes, Sir. Drive safe."

"Bye Sam." The phone line went dead. Sam pushed end on Dean's phone and tossed it on the bed so he could slide his arms around Dean again. He was relieved that their Dad would be coming to help out, not only would John be able to help out with the details at the hospital but he'd be able to be Dean's _Dad_. More than any other time since they'd left their Father's home, Sam felt like Dean needed his father. "Okay? He can help..."

"Yeah he said..." Dean nodded and leaned against Sam, wetting his lips slowly. "So I guess we'll just kill time until he gets here. You hungry? I know you haven't eaten since yesterday..." he turned his head toward his brother's voice, eyes fluttering once more as if to clear his vision. _God_ he missed looking at his brother. The thought stirred up memories of a conversation they'd had just a few nights ago, something about stars. Dean half smiled and lifted his hand slowly, searching for Sam's face in the darkness.

Sam leaned forward into the path of his brother's hand, smiling against Dean's palm. "You want to go out? Or I'll get stuff..." he whispered then pressed a kiss to his brother's palm. "Should get your pain pills." At this point, Sam wasn't sure if Dean would even admit if he were in pain - there were probably a million things going through his mind and Sam knew Dean would be trying to keep things from him so he didn't worry.

"I want to go out, though not sure about eating in a diner... shit how will I even..." he shook his head, trying not to let himself have another freak out like he did in the bathroom earlier. "I'll just stick to a breakfast burrito or something. But yeah, lets both go. I don't want to spend however long I'm blind stuck in some motel room."

"Dean?" Sam grinned and leaned against his brother's warm flesh.

"What?" Dean couldn't help smiling; he could practically hear his brother's amusement and didn't have the slightest idea what could possibly be funny right now.

"We're naked; you wanna get dressed or streak there?" Sam laughed softly; he'd never been more pleased to see a smile on his brother's face.

Dean laughed and shook his head. He hadn't even realized it. He could just imagine the look on their dad's face if he knew they'd talked to him on the phone while both were naked. "We should probably get dressed," he nodded, still chuckling softly. "Guess it is a little cold in here huh?"

Still laughing, Sam kissed the back of Dean's neck and rolled off the side of the bed and started rustling around in Dean's duffel. Pulling out his favourite of Dean's t-shirt, extra soft, baby blue because it was faded and a little tight he tossed it in Dean's lap. Returning to the bag and yanked out Dean's newest jeans and some clean socks and underwear. He piled it all on the bed at Dean's side, just touching his leg so he would know it was there and headed over to his own bag. "Like taking care of you," he murmured.

With a small smile on his face Dean sorted through the clothes, feeling for the tag on the shirt before tugging it on, "it definitely is a role reversal." He curled his fingers around his boxers and jeans before standing. For a moment he hesitated before tucking his jeans under his arm and bending to step into his boxers, dropping his jeans to his hands a moment later before stepping into them. It was easier than he thought and not so bad so Dean told himself he could definitely handle this. As long as Sam was there. He dropped back down on the bed and reached out for his socks, fingers grazing along the fabric until he found them. "Shoes?" He asked a moment later, head tilting up to look at his brother then stopping short. That was definitely going to be a hard habit that he hopefully would never have to break.

Still hopping around trying to get into his jeans, Sam reached down and snagged his brother shoes. Once he regained his balance he padded over and put them by Dean's feet. He watched Dean for a few moments as he tugged his own t-shirt on. Dean's eyes still moved automatically to what he was doing, down toward his shoes, onto his fingers, in Sam's general direction when he wanted something. This was going to be fixed. Sam wouldn't accept any alternatives.

Suddenly feeling a swell of determination he stepped forward and dipped down to catch Dean's lips in a rather forceful kiss. He pulled back just a little and whispered, "drive by kissing."

"Uh huh," Dean muttered softly, leaning up into Sam's heat. He reached up slowly until his hand pressed into Sam's chest. Fabric curled under his fingers for a moment before he slid them up to Sam's shoulder, across to cup his neck and tug him in for another kiss. Dean kept his eyes open because it was a little pointless to close them, and let his tongue slip out to trace the path of silky flesh.

Humming softly, Sam sank down to his knees without breaking the kiss. He pushed in between Dean's legs, hands resting on his brother's thighs and tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss. It was a problem they had some mornings - trying to _leave_ the motel room. He let Dean take control, moving his head gently as Dean guided him, marvelling at how quickly his heart started to race.

A small moan fell from Dean's lips as he shifted into the warmth of his brother, withdrawing his tongue so Sam's slipped forward. He sucked hard on it for a moment before pulling back with a small groan. "Okay. We... we can pick this up later," he chuckled softly and slid his hand forward to trace the lines of his brother's face, fingers dancing across kiss swollen lips. "Or we could just skip the food thing, definitely wouldn't complain about that decision."

Smiling against his brother's fingers, Sam pulled back, "you need to eat, get better..." he murmured and grabbed Dean's hands to haul him up off the bed. "Let's go..."

Dean sighed and nodded, "yes, let's do that and hurry back." He smiled softly as his brother led him out of the motel room and to the car.

Dean still experienced that surreal feeling riding in the car without being able to see. It was a good thing he trusted Sam with his life otherwise he might have had a harder time handling it all. Dean chose to wear his sunglasses inside the diner, this way it wouldn't be quite so obvious that he was looking at nothing. It came from a life of hunting, never show people your weaknesses. They settled into a booth, Sam going out of his way to help Dean as little as possible. Dean couldn't help smiling at his brother's sense of awareness. They did know each other better than anyone else after all.

Sam informed him there was a breakfast burrito on the menu before telling Dean what he wanted to order. Dean was used to ordering for Sam and he appreciated his brother not taking that role from him. There was always comfort to be found in looking after his brother; Dean knew it would always be that way. When the waitress arrived Dean only slightly tilted his head toward her while giving their order, legs extending to rest along Sam's under the table. While they waited for their food they fell into comfortable silence, though Dean was pretty sure Sam was watching him shift uncomfortably. Dean really didn't like being somewhere he had no grasp of, no way to observe those around them, monitor for any threats.

It was just a little worse for him when their food arrived. Dean's head was turned down to the plate as his fingers slid along the table top. He could feel Sam's shift on the seat, likely itching to help but giving Dean the chance to figure it out himself. Eventually Dean managed to curl his fingers around the food and bring it to his mouth. Just around the time he was getting thirsty Sam was nudging his coffee toward him, likely already made up the way he preferred. Dean smiled gratefully at him before carefully curling his fingers along the handle and bringing it to his lips.

Sam paid for the meal once they'd finished and waited just beside Dean's bench as he slid out. Dean sank into the warm hand placed on his back to guide him out, Sam applying just enough pressure to guide him along without making it obvious. Once they were back in the car he blew out a small breath. They'd tackled one outing, that was something, and Dean felt just the slightest wave of relief. He wasn't _completely_ hopeless.

On the drive to the drug store Sam played music that Dean knew well, not even trying to change it to something he'd enjoy more. Dean smiled softly, enjoying the little things his brother was doing to make this easy for him. They pulled to a stop and Dean moved to get out but Sam laid a hand on his arm, ensuring him it would only take a few minutes. Dean nodded and fell back against the seat, tracing his fingers over the cool leather of the seat.

Within minutes Sam was back, opening the door quietly so Dean wouldn't be startled. Dean slid against his side the moment the car was in motion, not admitting out loud how much he'd missed his brother. Clearly being alone in this condition wasn't an idea that appealed to him. He could hear Sam's soft chuckle as they headed back to the motel, looping an arm casually around him.

Sam held out his hand, grabbing Dean's from where it hovered in midair as they arrived at the motel. "Okay lets order food next time," Dean muttered as they headed inside. "I'm not really a big fan of the being blind in public thing. It's safe to say I'm officially over it," he sighed and stopped just inside the room, turning to the sound of the door closing. "How should we spend the rest of our day?"

"I have a plan," Sam was quiet, trying to pull things out of the grocery bag as quietly as possibly. "We're," he coughed, throat still raw, "gonna work on your other senses. Take advantage." He scratched his head as he tried to figure out the best way to set everything up. Gathering some items in his arms he moved over to the night stand, keeping his back to Dean so he couldn't reach out and feel anything. Setting things quietly on the night stand he crossed his arms and looked down at Dean with a smirk on his face. "Get naked."

"Okay," Dean nodded quickly, hands going to his clothing. He definitely had no objection to getting naked. Though he was admittedly curious about _other senses_. Sam clearly had something sneaky up his sleeves and Dean couldn't help grinning. Within minutes he was naked and shifting toward the bed, reaching out to touch the mattress before dropping down. "Now what?" He asked, looking toward where he imagined Sam was.

"Middle of the bed on your back." Sam moved quietly, watching with a proud smile on his face as Dean tracked him around the room. Dean was in _hunter_ mode, Sam could see it underneath the suspicious grin on his brother's face.

"Alright..." Dean murmured and crawled up on the bed, reaching out to touch the headboard before dropping down and rolling onto his back. He was half hard already, excitement building in the pit of his stomach, tongue dragging along his lips in anticipation.

Kneeling on the edge of the bed Sam ran his hands up his brother's left arm until he reached his wrist and he slipped a dish towel around Dean's wrist and tied it to the corner of the head board. Watching Dean's face, seeing the flush slowly easing up his cheeks, Sam smiled. He slipped off the bed and moved around to tied his brother's other hand the same way. Checking that Dean was well bound Sam stepped away again, rustling in the grocery bag.

"Okay..." Dean said slowly and tugged on the ties, testing their strength. Sam knew how to tie a knot, he'd give him that. "So uh..." he wet his lips once more and shifted slightly, wondering what Sam was up too. "Whatcha got planned Sammy boy?" He asked casually, smirk growing on his lips.

"Research," Sam said, kneeling on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch Dean. Reaching behind him Sam picked up a feather duster and pulled out one of the long feathers. He couldn't help the smile that was on his face. "Looked it up. People who have an impaired sense," he leaned down to whisper in Dean's ear, "compensate with other senses." He pulled back quickly before Dean could turn into his voice. Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, Sam dragged the feather lightly down the middle of Dean's chest then dragged it back up his side. "Tell me when you know... what it is," he whispered. Tilting his head, watching his brother's face - Sam twirled the feather around Dean's nipple, watching as the coppery flesh hardened.

Dean pulled in a quick breath, head tilting back into the pillow as he squirmed underneath the touch. "I uh..." he cleared his throat and tried to focus in on the item. Little wisps of touch slid around his flesh, tickling slightly but mostly just serving to make his skin feel over sensitive. "A... a cloth? No..." Dean shook his head immediately, knowing a cloth would feel a little more solid. This just barely ghosted along the skin. As it clicked in his mind he swallowed, suddenly more aroused by the entirely unexpected situation he found himself in. "A feather," he murmured.

"Mmmhmm," Sam pulled the feather straight down Dean's body barely ghosting it over his hardening length before putting it back on the night stand. Reaching into the bag he pulled out a cherry and bit into it, spit out the pit quietly and chewed it, letting the juice sit in his mouth for a few moments. Leaning down Sam hovered his lips over Dean's and breathed out gently, "smell," he murmured.

"Jesus," Dean gasped softly, head tilting up toward Sam's face. "I... cherries," he murmured, wetting his lips and breathing in deep. He could smell Sam just under the sweetness, familiar and unique.

Sam licked his lips and let the very tip of his tongue trace along Dean's bottom lip. Slowly, he barely moved, pulling back only when Dean moved forward. As soon as Dean settled back on the mattress Sam slipped his tongue past Dean's lips quickly, swept it across the roof of his brother's mouth and pulled back. Moving back again he laughed softly and brushed the backs of his fingers across Dean's cheek briefly. "Okay?" He could tell Dean was okay, but he _loved_ the sound of his brother's voice when he was turned on.

"I... yeah. Yes. Okay," he insisted and swallowed deeply. He'd never experienced his brother like this and it was turning him on more than he thought it would. Being tied to the bed, Sam _teasing_ him, it was enough to cause his blood to boil. "So that's touch... and smell..." he murmured and shifted on the mattress.

Chuckling Sam rustled around in the bad once more and pulled out a container of honey. He stood there, holding it looking at his brother's body, considering the options. Stepping away from Dean slowly, as quietly as he could Sam moved to the bottom of the bed and tugged his t-shirt up over his head, smirking he tossed it onto the right side of the bed and watched Dean's face turned slightly in that direction. Padding quietly up to where Dean was facing, Sam got hold of his zipper and dragged it down slowly, each click of the teeth loud in the quiet room.

Some noises Dean would always recognize, this one, the sound of Sam undressing, was familiar enough to have him sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and working it between his teeth. His eyes fluttered out of habit, fixed on the noise, heart fluttering in anticipation for whatever was next. "Sammy..." he breathed, twisting his wrists in the ties slightly.

"Guess you know what that sound was," Sam grinned and wriggled out of his jeans, kicking them off. There were a couple of ways he could do this, and Sam decided he had earned a little fun himself. Crawling on to the bed he straddled his brother's thighs. Sam poured some honey onto the tip of his finger and grinned, hesitated, then rubbed it on his hard nipple. He couldn't help moaning, _God_ Dean was radiating sex, lying there, cock hard - skin flushed as his lips glistened in the dim light slipping through the curtains. Letting himself fall forward Sam held himself up, hands planted above Dean's shoulders and lowered himself down until his honey covered nipple brushed Dean's lips.

A soft gasp fell from Dean's lips as he shifted up into the warmth. His tongue flicked out as his mouth opened, sucking on the skin. His moan grew deeper as the sweet substance exploded along his taste buds, hips jerking up slightly at the sudden spark of pleasure. "Fuck," he mumbled against the skin and sucked the hardened flesh in again, dragging his teeth along it. He tilted his head to smooth his lips over every inch of skin he could reach, panting softly. "I... not sure... might have to taste more..." he said softly, even though he was pretty sure he knew exactly what the sugary substance was.

Laughing softly, Sam picked up the honey and squeezed more out onto his finger, "M'not complaining. Research," he murmured as he dropped the bottle and rubbed the honey on to his other nipple and leaned down. This time, Sam hovered just out of Dean's reach, rolling his hips slightly, sliding their rigid flesh together then dropped down to let Dean taste the honey again.

Dean worked his lips along the flesh, moaning as the taste once more burst along his tongue. He wanted to run his hands along Sam's body, to feel his heat, but somehow being denied that was heightening everything. He lapped at the skin until there was only Sam's salty taste. "Hmm I think I know..." Dean said softly, pressing small kisses along inch of skin he could. "Honey?" He murmured, hips lifting up almost out of his control.

"Uh huh..." Sam sat back, trying to get control of himself again. "Wow..." he mumbled, "we should... uh... research more often." Pushing his hair back off his forehead Sam let himself fall to the side, one leg draped over Dean's thighs. "What you want...?" He whispered right against his brother's ear, lips brushing the warm flesh as his breath danced along Dean's skin.

"I... you. Always want you," he murmured, turning toward the heat of Sam's breath. "Wanna... research more?" Dean suggested, small smile on his lips. "Tap my other senses? See what all I can learn?" He chuckled softly, shifting forward.

Humming softly Sam leaned forward and kissed a trail down Dean's neck, stopping briefly to suck on Dean's Adam's apple then continuing. His hand slid over Dean's hip and rubbed along his brother's inner thigh softly, teasingly, carefully not to touch Dean's cock. Finally reaching Dean's nipple Sam teased it, flicked the very tip with his tongue then blew on it. Watching Dean's body arch up, Sam smiled and took in a shuddering breath. He was beginning to wonder how long he was going to last himself. He let his fingers brush against Dean's sac, twisting his wrist slowly to roll his brother's balls gently between his fingers.

"Jesus Sammy," Dean moaned and shifted into the touch, wetting his lips. "You're... so..." he sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself so he didn't come before Sam even touched him where it mattered most. Dean was starting to learn that not being able to see did heighten his other senses. He never knew where Sam's lips would be next, where flesh would connect; it made everything burn a little sharper, hotter. "What... what do you want?" He asked quietly, body lifting up into Sam's touch.

"I think," Sam's lips moved down his brother's ribs, tongue running along the dip between them, "I'll just _do_ what I want." His fingers tightened on his brother's balls, squeezing then rolling and releasing before his hand pulled back across Dean's thigh. He could feel the small hairs on his brother's leg standing up and smiled then sucked hard at a patch of skin on Dean's side. Sucking long and hard, Sam worked the flesh with his tongue then nipped gently at the skin heated with blood. Walking his fingers up over Dean's abs, across his chest he caught his brother's nipple, pinching it hard as his mouth began to move again.

Sliding down his brother's body Sam moaned softly. As soon as he reached the tender flesh just below Dean's hip he latched on again, tightening his grip on Dean's nipple. Unable to resist it a moment longer, Sam rutted up against Dean's leg, desperate for friction. Hands sliding all over Dean's body, mouthing his way back up Dean's side, Sam didn't stop moving for a single moment.

Dean felt like a writhing mess beneath Sam. His wrists twisted and pulled at the cloths keeping him bond, fingers shifting until they could tighten over the material. He moaned his brother's name and arched up into the endless touches, panting softy. Dean had never been so turned on before, body humming and sparking with each graze of his brother's lips and hands. "Driving me crazy..." he mumbled, head turning from side to side on the pillow with each harsh pant.

Growling softly Sam crawled down the bed beside his brother and nudge in between his legs with one knee. Bending to Dean's body Sam inhaled the heady scent of his brother's arousal, salty, sweat, spicy. Heart quickening once more Sam panted along Dean's cock, hair trailing along his brother's over-stimulated flesh. Pursing his lips slightly he blew on the head of Dean's cock.

"Fuck," Dean groaned, rolling his hips up to try and get Sam's mouth to connect with his flesh. It didn't work, Sam just moved away, and Dean marvelled at the fact that Sam really was driving him crazy. His heart seemed to lurch with the heat of Sam's breath, the whisper of suggestion. Dean wanted to look, to see the bright flush on Sam's cheek, the lust blown darkness of his eyes. He swore the moment his eyesight was returned he was going to stare at Sam until his eyes were too heavy to keep open.

Sighing, Sam shifted until he was settled between Dean's legs. "Love... you," he whispered and darted down to drag his tongue up the length of his brother's swollen shaft. His lips kissed the tip softly, tongue lapping up the precome before he moved forward again, shifting his legs to straddle his brother's thighs once more. Hands falling to Dean's chest, fingers curling hard into his brother's flesh Sam pulled himself up Dean's body. As he slid over Dean's hard cock he moaned and stilled, settled his ass on his brother's heated flesh.

Dean's hips moved instinctively up against Sam's body and he moaned out, "love you," in return. It always made his heart clench, hearing the words, and now it sent everything vibrating through him, over sensitive and hyper aware. Dean tugged on the cloths around his wrists, body curling up slightly off the bed. "Sammy..." he murmured, head tilted back. "Kiss me."

Falling forward, catching himself at the last moment with his hands Sam slanted his mouth over Dean's, tongue gliding forward, wet and warm. Moaning softly Sam's lips moved on his brother's, _Jesus_ Dean's lips were always so soft, so smooth, Sam bit down on Dean's tongue as it snaked forward in to his mouth and growled pulling away before Dean could react. His hips rolled up and he leaned down, sliding his hand under the pillow for the lube they kept there, "want you," he whispered before sucking Dean's ear lobe into his mouth. Sitting back, circling his hips to rub against his brother's solid cock, Sam squirted some lube on to his hand. Reaching behind him he smoothed the cool liquid over Dean's shaft, stroked once and guided the head toward his tight ring of muscle.

The feeling of Dean's cock nudging against him sent shivers down Sam's body and he braced himself by curling his fingers over Dean's hip. Sitting back he let his head fall back as Dean's cock slid slowly into him; Sam moaned and hissed in a sharp breath when the head slid inside and his body drew Dean's heat further in.

Dean's whole body sparked with pleasure and heat, humming as the thrill of Sam's tight muscles coursed along his hard flesh. "Shit," he gasped, almost completely unprepared for just how very good it felt. It was more intense, not seeing, and in his mind's eye he could picture perfectly the way Sam's body would look, arched back, sliding down onto him. Dean tugged hard on the cloths once more, groaning at the strain of his muscles before his hips jerked up, pushing him further into his brother. "God Sam... so good..." he moaned, wetting his lips slowly.

Squeezing his eyes shut Sam shuddered as he slid down slowly, Dean's slick cock working into him easily. "Dean..." Sam rocked forward on his knees - almost pulling off his brother's shaft - then rocked back reclaiming the heated flesh. _God_, it was so good. Reaching out a shaking hand Sam let his fingers dance across Dean's swollen lips. The next time he rolled forward he slipped his finger inside his brother's mouth shuddering as he sank back again. Just about at his wits end Sam's free hand moved to his weeping shaft and began stroking slowly. "M'gonna... come soon.." His voice was deep, gravely and soft; Dean's moans were louder, his brother's hips bucking up into him, sinking his cock harder and deeper every time.

Dean couldn't work enough air into his lungs to tell Sam he was right there with him. His body thrust as much it could up into Sam's heat, moaning as his brother met each thrust and clenched around him. Sam's voice was like fire added to the pleasure, so rich and deep, stirring up heat strong enough to make his mind spin. As Sam's finger shifted deeper into his mouth he sucked hard, dragging his teeth lightly over the skin and digging his heels into the mattress. Not even half a dozen thrusts later and his arms pulled hard on the cloth, body tensing with the force of his release slamming through him. Dean let Sam's finger fall from his mouth with a loud moan, head pressing down into the pillow as wave after wave of heat crashed over him.

His brother's cock was throbbing within him and Sam stroked once and came, he worked his shaft as his body arched and throbbed - ropes of come shot up his brother's belly and chest. Collapsing forward Sam shuddered, his body twitched as the last of his release worked through him. Groaning he reached up and fumbled with his knots, swearing under his breath as he struggled with them. Finally, he managed to get the first binding undone then started on the second one. "Hands... are shaking," he whispered and laughed softly, still panting. Dean's second hand was freed and Sam fell down beside his brother kissing Dean's neck softly.

A soft groan fell from Dean's lips as he slowly stretched his arms down, flexing the muscles gently. "Fuck that was..." he blew out a long breath and shifted into his brother, reaching out to touch him slowly. "That was the hottest fucking thing you've ever done," he murmured, small smile on his face.

Chuckling Sam grabbed the dishtowel and used it to wipe his brother's body clean, then his own. He threw it across the room and looked up at Dean's face. Finally the lines of tension were eased and Dean's eyes were softer, he looked relaxed. Threading his fingers through Dean's Sam nuzzled into his brother's neck. "Might ... need to do ..." he yawned, "more research sometime."

"Very soon," Dean agreed with a slight nod, curling into Sam's body. If this was how they spent the rest of his time being blind, well he could definitely adjust to that. But they were _definitely_ doing this again when he could see the expressions on Sam's face. "Nap time?" He murmured, lifting a hand to his forehead to rub slightly. The stitches along the back of his head were tingling with pain from being rubbed to hard against the pillow and he groaned softly.

"Fuck... sorry," Sam shifted a little and tugged on Dean's chin turning his head so the weight wasn't on his stitches. "Sleep..." he murmured.

[Part Three](http://cha.livejournal.com/2477389.html)

[Master Post](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html)


	3. A Thousand Whispers 03/04

  
  
  
**Entry tags:** |   
["a thousand touches"](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/%22a+thousand+touches%22), ["a thousand whispers"](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/%22a+thousand+whispers%22), ["brie and char"](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/%22brie+and+char%22), [rating: nc-17](http://cha.livejournal.com/tag/rating:+nc-17)  
  
---|---  
  
_ **A Thousand Whispers, 03/04, [NC-17], Sam/Dean** _   
[](http://cha.livejournal.com/2427469.html)

**Title:** A Thousand Whispers 03/04  
**Authors:** [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=cha)[Charlotte](http://www.livejournal.com/users/cha/) and [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=anyothergirl415)[Miss. Brie](http://www.livejournal.com/users/anyothergirl415/)  
**Pairing:** Sam/Dean  
**Rating/Warnings:** NC-17,   
**Disclaimer:** Kripke's boys, not ours, even if we want them to be.  
**Summary: **

Sam and Dean from ["A Thousand Touches"](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html) are back in this sequel. Time has passed, the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer. An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.

 

Over the course of their time waiting for the dad, Dean learned more things about himself that he'd never known he didn't know. Like the occasional feeling of helplessness when Sam went out to get dinner after they'd woken from their... research... and Dean had decided to take a shower. It hadn't been that hard to figure things out but the moment he stepped from the shower and into the motel room he could feel that anxiety creeping in on him. Suddenly it was like he didn't know where the bed was, or the table, or even his duffel bag. So he stood against the wall and pulled in shaky deep breaths until Sam returned. His brother didn't mention it, simply provided him with boxers and led him to the table to eat, but he could tell it shook him. Sam was about as accustomed to seeing Dean helpless as Dean was to feeling that way.

Sam was wise enough to bring home pizza so Dean began to sink back into something he could handle. And they passed the night together on the bed, more research, to heighten Dean's senses. It made the ground beneath him feel more solid and Dean could tell it soothed his brother just as much.

The next day they didn't venture out, or Dean didn't, Sam went to get food and Dean stayed planted in bed. It just seemed safer. They received a call from their dad when he was an hour out and took a quick shower before Sam threw open the windows to air out the room. There was some smells that all men knew, sex was definitely one of them and both boys tried their best to spare their father in all situations involving them as a couple.

This was around the time Dean learned that he was actually _excited_ to see his dad. Well, not actually see, but there was a certain level of comfort to be gained from the older man's presence. In front of him Dean might not feel so guilty to let his need to be reassured show. He hated that Sam had to carry so much of this burden on his shoulders alone and he tried his best to stay positive but every time his eyes opened to darkness it was like a weight sinking in his gut.

Sam went to wait outside for their dad minutes before his estimated arrival time and Dean sat on the edge of the bed. He knew his dad didn't need Sam to wait for him but he accepted that his brother needed some time to let the heavy weight of their situation lift. Sam was likely just as excited to see their dad as Dean was. 

Relief washed over Sam when his Father's truck pulled into the parking lot.  He pushed up from the wall he was sitting on and stood by the truck waiting. 

John turned off the truck and pushed the door open, smiling warmly at Sam.  "Sam, how's everything?"

Drawing in a deep breath Sam stepped closer and grabbed his Dad in a hug.  The smell of his Dad's jacket reminded Sam of when he was a kid, sleeping in the back seat of the car and the jacket would fly through the air and settle over Sam's small body.  "Dean's scared... Dad...." he said, closing his eyes.

"Figured as much," John's voice rumbled against Sam's chest, "let's go see him."

Sam pulled back, smiling as his father squeezed his shoulder and led him to the room.

Pushing the door open, Sam let his Dad walk through first, "Dean?"

John strode over to his oldest son, dropping his bag by the desk on the way, "Dean..."

It was obvious to Sam that their Father didn't know what to say to Dean, but Sam also knew it wouldn't matter.  It wasn't lost on Dean that his father had dropped everything to drive for two days just to be here.

Pushing off the bed Dean turned toward the door and his family, swallowing thickly before crossing the room only slightly shaky. His dad's scent was strong, familiar, and Dean reached out toward it until he was brushing against the warm leather of his coat. Dean sighed heavily for a moment before stepping in and wrapping his arms around his dad, hugging him like he hadn't since... well Dean couldn't even think of the last time he'd hugged the man with such force. It had to be a good dozen years, maybe more. "Dad," he said softly, tightening his hold almost unconsciously.

Sam's throat tightened a little watching the two older Winchesters.  He'd never pushed Dean to reconcile with their father, and their relationship had been slow to improve.  Sam rubbed at his forehead, smiled and settled into the chair by the window.

"S'okay Dean," John held onto Dean tightly, staggering back slightly when Dean had launched at him.  "We're gonna get this all worked out," John's voice was deeper than usual and he glanced up at Sam with watery eyes over Dean's shoulder.

"I-I know," Dean nodded and held onto his dad for a moment longer before stepping back, keeping a hand on the man's arm to hold himself steady. He turned his head to the side, seeking his brother and sighing softly at the impossibility of pinpointing him in the darkness. "So what now? You gotta be tired, wanna rest for awhile? Get some food?" Dean hesitated a moment longer before dropping his hand and half stepping back, wondering if he'd over pushed his limits with his dad and their lack of closeness.

"I could eat a horse," John smiled and slung his arm back around Dean's shoulder, "but, I'll settle for a good cheeseburger and fries."  He winked at Sam and squeezed Dean's shoulder once more before letting go.  "Bathroom - then you boys wanna take your old man out?" 

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind John, Sam was across the room and at Dean's side.  "You'll be okay now?"  He knew that Dean needed their father there and tried not to be a little sad that he wasn't able to do everything... Sam reached out with his fingers and hooked them gently through Dean's.

"I was okay before," Dean said softly and stepped into his brother, hand finding the groove of his hip. "Just seems like I'll be fixed now. But I couldn't have made it through this without you, you know?" He smiled softly and leaned forward to rest his face along Sam's, brushing a kiss to his skin. "You okay?" He asked quietly; hand on Sam's hip tightening.

Sam could barely swallow; the lump in his throat was huge.  "Is it okay, now... if I tell you I'm terrified?"  Sam threw his arms around Dean's neck and clung to his brother like his life depended on it.  Squeezing his eyes shut he just breathed slowly, concentrating on the way Dean's hands moved on his back.

Dean had kind of always known Sam felt this way but his heart ached at hearing it put into words. He wrapped his arms tighter around Sam and dropped his head to bury in his neck. _God_ it shouldn't be like this. Dean should be there to comfort Sam, should never be the thing that makes him terrified. It was almost enough to have him considering stopping this nonsense. Stop hunting. Stop putting their lives at risk. Dean had no idea what he'd do outside of it but anything would be better then hurting Sam like this, in anyway. "It's okay Sammy," he said softly, turning his head to press a kiss into Sam's neck. "It's all gonna be better soon."

John cleared his throat as he came out of the bathroom, "Okay, break it up, let's go feed me before I pass out." 

John chuckled nervously and walked toward the door.  "Sam...you drive - let's take the Impala, it's been a while."  He grinned.

Chuckling softly Dean slid back from his brother, catching his shirt to hold him steady. "You're riding in back dad," Dean informed him with a smirk. "Don't think you've ever had the privilege." He couldn't help laughing at the change, and the oddity of it all. He'd never imagined a time when all three of them would ride in the Impala together again.

"Oh come on... Sammy'll let me drive," John nudged Sam's shoulder with his fist.

"No way," Sam said, nose wrinkling as he tried not to laugh.

They filed out the door, John first, checking out _his_ car to see how the boys were treating her.  Sam threaded his fingers through Dean's and tugged him out the door and over to the driver's side to make sure he could get in before their father stole the prime seat.  There was a lot of laughter in the car as they pulled out of the parking lot.

 

It seemed lots of things had changed for all of them in the time since they'd last met up.  _Gloria_ was, in fact, John's girlfriend.  Sam teased him for a while. Sam with his elephant-like memory had not forgotten than John made a point of telling them before that he wasn't interested in a relationship.  Over burgers and fries, John filled his sons in on what they'd managed to work out. Gloria had spent two days on the phone with John's work insurance company and managed to find out all the right information for getting Dean registered with them.  Approval for Dean's surgery had arrived just before John had made it to the Motel.  Sam and Dean looked noticeably relieved when John passed on the good news.   One difficult hurdle was now behind them.

Sam remained silent for most of the lunch.  It was nice for him to be able to rest his voice, settled back into his role as observer.  Fingers curled over Dean's thigh Sam munched away on his burger as his brother filled his Dad in on the Ghoul hunt.  Their Dad was gracious, telling Dean that they'd handled it well and it could have happened to anyone.  Sam choked on a French fry when their father added that it was a good thing Dean had Sam to keep an eye on his ass.  Eyes wide, Sam grinned rather than commenting.

Soon, they were on their way back to the Motel, their father driving and Sam in the backseat.  Naturally, he made good use of his vantage point to hang over the front seat and let his arms rest over Dean's shoulders.  The more time they'd spent together - the more their father had relaxed and the happier Dean looked.  Grinning like a Cheshire cat Sam all but bounced out of the car once they were back at the room.  It had been a long time since they'd been a family.

Dean stood just outside the car, smiling at the feel of his brother's hand around his arm. He turned toward him slightly, dipping down to pressed a small kiss to his neck - which ended up being more along his jaw - before stepping back. "Can you give dad and me a moment to talk about some stuff?" He asked softly, already knowing his brother wouldn't be overly thrilled with the idea. "I just... I'll talk to you about it later when it's just us okay? I need to sort through things first." He tried to smile reassuringly, wishing he could see the look on his brother's face.

Pressing his lips together, Sam scratched at the side of his nose.  There were a lot of ways a conversation between their father and Dean could go.  More often than not Sam found himself stepping in, but, this seemed different.  "Okay," Sam shifted back a little, "I can ..." he looked around, "walk?"

"Not far," Dean murmured and rubbed along the back of his neck. "Be safe," he smiled softly and reached out for his brother.

Squeezing Dean's hand Sam took a few steps back, waited until their father was standing with his brother and turned to walk off.  It was always a strange feeling, leaving Dean's side.  Jamming his hands into his jacket pockets Sam dropped his head and walked off down the street.

"Sam okay?"  John watched his youngest leaving, his tall frame bowed slightly against the wind.

"He's scared, understandably," Dean shrugged and turned his head toward his dad. "I guess... I've always been the one looking after him. Now I can't even see. Can't do much as far as looking after him. So... it's an adjustment," he sighed and wet his lips, feeling uncomfortable just by admitting those things aloud. "It's making me rethink things."

John took his sons arm and led him toward the Motel room, "rethink things?"

"This life," Dean shrugged and trailed along behind his dad. "I mean, I've always known that something could happen but this just makes it so much more real. If something more serious were to happen to me... Sam would be... or if anything happened to him I couldn't live..." Dean blew out a long breath and shook his head, not able to form the words but knowing his dad would get them. "I guess that's what you were always trying to tell me huh?"

John's voice was soft when he spoke, unlocking the door to their room and stepping in.  "You boys are good at what you do.  I can't ..." He shook his head, "I can't say that I completely understand the way..." he sighed.  A few moments of silence passed and John sat down in the chair by the window as soon as Dean had his bearings.  "I can't say that I've always understood the connection between you two, but it seems like ... you're right.  I can't imagine one without the other sometimes." 

"No, I'm not saying... I can't give Sam up. That's not even close to what I'm thinking about," Dean dragged his teeth along his lower lip and shrugged once more. "I don't know. It's probably just this lack of eyesight thing. Makes me wonder if this is really the best life for us. I'm sure we'll be fine, once I can see again. I just think sometimes Sam wouldn't mind living a normal life. Like you, getting out of the biz." Dean moved slowly across the room until his legs bumped into the chair, curling his fingers around it to pull out and drop down. "Sometimes I think I wouldn't mind it."

"Sometimes," John shrugged out of his jacket and let it fall behind him onto the chair, "and the rest of the time?  It's the rest of the time that's the problem, Son."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Dean leaned forward against the table. "Suppose it's just something I'll have to talk to Sam about it. I didn't expect you..." Dean shook his head and pursed his lips. Dean had known for years that there was hardly ever an easy answer for things, no quick solution, but it didn't stop him from holding out some childish hope that their dad would have some quick fix it solution to make everything better. He did what he could and Dean was grateful for that, it had to be enough to keep him going.

"Dean?" John shifted in his chair, watching his son's face.  "When are you ... what makes you the happiest? What times?  What are you doing?  I mean..." He looked down, "for the longest times I only wanted to hunt because I couldn't be with your... with Mary.  She was the one thing for me and when she was gone ..."  He sat back hard in the chair, "and now, all these years later, I want to be at _home_... my home, working with my hands, hearing Gloria call to me from the front porch when she's made some coffee."  He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "you just gotta figure out what those moments are...."

"That's easy," Dean smiled softly, "whenever I'm with Sam. That's when I'm happiest." He fell into silence for a few moments before turning toward his dad. "Guess it doesn't really matter what we're doing. Though I'll admit to liking some moments more than others. So what do we do? Keep hunting? Taking the risks?" Dean shrugged wondering if he was asking his dad to tell him to stop hunting or insist that he continue for the good of mankind. Either way, it felt oddly nice to have someone to help pick his brain without feeling like he was loading too much on Sam's shoulders.

Laughing softly John arched his eyebrows, "only you two can answer those questions.  Does Sam know what you think? What does _he_ think?"  He pushed up off the chair and moved over to the small fridge, pleased to find some beer when he opened the door.  Grabbing two John returned to the chair and slid one of them on to the table in front of his son, "beer."

"Thanks," Dean reached out for it and twisted the cap. "We haven't really discussed this. I didn't want to just spout all this stuff at him without having some grasp on it. I think we both know I can be a little impulsive sometimes. Which is why I'm in this position anyway," Dean pulled long from the bottle before settling back on the table. "This must... god I must be sounding insane huh? It's weird, spending all this time in darkness. It makes you think strange things."

"It's gonna be okay ... and you know Dean, I think... you need to ..." John closed his eyes for a few moments. "Sam is a man," he shrugged, "I know you know him better than anyone else ... but sometimes, I think you protect him too much.  Remember all those times you got so mad at me for treating him like he was different?  Maybe ... you need to think about that."

"I'm not treating him like he's different," Dean bristled, eyebrows drawing together. "I'm treating him like I love him more than anything else in the world, which I do. And it's not like I'm not going to talk to him about this stuff. I just want to make a little bit of sense when I do." He brought his beer to his lips once more, pulling hard from the bottle.

"And, believe it or not, Dean - I'm trying to help.  I know how much you love him... I _do_.  I see it - when you're together.  But ... you should be talkin' to Sam about this stuff- he doesn't need you to know everything, have all the answers.  Your brother has _never_ expected you to be perfect Dean, only _you_ have expected that."  John smiled sadly.

Dean frowned and rolled his shoulders against the tension, drumming his fingers along the bottle. "Yeah. You're right. I guess I need to accept that Sam doesn't necessarily need me to control things anymore." His lips twitched in a smile and he sighed softly. "So what's the plan? You gonna stick around for the surgery or...?"

"You're stuck with me," John laughed, "be the longest we all spent together in a long time."

"Yeah," Dean nodded, small chuckle in return. "Should be interesting. I think it'll be good for Sam. He... he gets really happy when we're all together." Dean smiled around his beer bottle before tipping the bottle back to finish off the contents. "Can you see him? He... I guess it doesn't matter if he comes back now."

"Sent him off did ya? In case I said something stupid?" John was grinning and took a swig of beer as he pulled the curtain back to peer out.  "He's uh ... sitting on the hood of the car looking a bit like a lost puppy."

"It was more in case I said something stupid," Dean chuckled and shook his head. "Bring him on in."

Pushing up from his chair John yanked the door open, "Sam!!"

Sam looked up, hopped off the hood of the car and wandered back over to the room.  It felt so strange to be sitting on the other side of the door, a little disconcerting.  After all - normally - Dean only spoke to him; Sam wasn't naive enough to think Dean told him everything, in fact, he knew that his brother didn't tell him a lot of things.  Sam was still the baby brother, the one who needed protecting.  Slipping back into the room Sam shucked off his jacket, "bathroom," he mumbled and headed for the other room, closing the door behind him.

Dean sighed softly and rubbed at his forehead, "I think we're gonna need a few minutes. I... he may be a little upset with me." Dean shrugged and nudged at his beer bottle with the tip of his finger.

John scratched at the stubble on his face, "gotta get a room, shower and shave anyway... I'll call later? For dinner?"  John headed toward the door once more.

"Yeah, for dinner," Dean nodded and listened to his dad leaving before pushing up and walking slowly toward the bathroom door. He laid his hand on the wood surface and said softly, "Sammy? You okay?" Dean hated the idea that he'd upset his brother but he'd explain it to him, make it better.

Sam pulled the door open, "m'fine, tired..." Sam brushed past Dean, dropping a hand to his shoulder for a moment before kicking his shoes off and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You're upset with me," Dean said softly and turned toward the squeak of the bed, stepping forward slightly. "Sam... I don't... I wasn't trying to shut you out. I wanted to sort some things out in my mind before I loaded them all on you. I guess... I was kind of hoping dad would give me something to go on. Like... insisting we stop hunting or something and... Damnit I hate not being able to see how. How am I supposed to know how you're feeling?"

"M'fine, just need sleep," Sam let himself fall down onto the bed.  It was new, Dean not being able to tell what he was feeling.  Normally, Dean just had to glance at him - said he could tell by the way Sam held his body, how his fingers fidgeted, the emotion in his eyes.  He curled on to his side.  _Lonely_.  He couldn't understand why but he felt strangely - lonely - his whole life, Sam had used notes, looks, and touches to communicate with Dean and now half of that language was gone. 

"Right, well then... I'll just let you sleep," Dean said softly and walked slowly across the room. That nagging feeling that had been growing in him since this whole thing began was reaching a breaking point. All at once Dean felt like he was losing his brother. Even if he got his eyesight fixed, it would take a good two to three weeks to start seeing clearing and up to a _year_ for him to be back to normal. The damage would be done. Sam and he would never be the same again. Dean blew out a shaky breath and held his hand out until it bumped into the chair once more.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was raspy, his throat tired.  "Could you, I want... I miss ..." he gave up and flopped his head back down on the mattress groaning.

Turning slowly, Dean crossed to the mattress and kicked off his boots. He did get some things, even without seeing Sam's expressions. "Sammy," he whispered, sliding up the bed until he could curve along his brother's body. "I don't wanna lose you," he murmured into Sam's hair.

"Lose me?" the shock was more than apparent in Sam's voice, "never..." He shifted, "it's just," he whispered, "I feel ... cut off, like..." he squeezed his eyes shut, frustrated.  "Can't talk enough, you can't see... my words... and I ..." Sam buried his face in Dean's shoulder feeling the ever-lurking tears bubble up out of him.  "Just miss you... _us_... and what if..." Sam couldn't even get himself to speak out loud the possibility that something might happen to Dean during the surgery. He _knew_ it was only a slight possibility, but, if the last few days had been any indication of what it would be like to not have Dean...  Sam was falling apart inside and all he had to deal with currently was struggling a little harder to communicate.  Curling his fingers into Dean's shirt, he let his tears come, "sorry, just tired."

"I know," Dean said softly and wrapped his arms tight around Sam. "I miss us... I miss _knowing_ you." Dean sighed shakily and pressed a hard kiss to the side of Sam's head. "We'll be okay. I'm gonna get better and we'll... we can make it through this. I know it. You sleep, I'll be here," he tightened his hold on Sam, stroking a hand through his hair slowly.

Sam pressed his eyes closed, not letting go of Dean's shirt.  "'kay," he knew their Dad would be back soon but he wasn't going to waste a moment of being like this with Dean, _not_ a moment.

 

Sam and Dean woke from their nap in the late afternoon and enjoyed a long stretch of kisses without exchanging a word. They broke what could have been hours later when John called and Dean smiled softly as Sam pressed the phone into his palm. Dean made plans for them to meet up and get dinner, insisting they go out because it was too depressing to stay inside. John suggested going to a nice place but Dean shook his head. He didn't want to make things harder than they had to be and it was safer to go somewhere he could eat with his hands without an issue. They talked quietly over the meal, Dean insisting Sam say as little as possible. It would be just their luck for Sam to overuse his voice and lose it completely.

After they ate they headed back home and Dean and Sam teamed up to play poker against their dad. Sam whispered the cards into his ear and they managed to win a good one hundred dollars before John caved and called in a night, mumbling about being beaten by his sons and needing to call Gloria before bed anyway. Dean couldn't resist teasing the man and how well trained he was. The moment the door was closed Sam held out his hand for his brother. He could hear Sam inhale, preparing himself to speak, but Dean laid his fingers over his lover's lips and backed him slowly to the bed. He spent the rest of the night reassuring Sam in the ways he knew best. Dean didn't need to see to know where to touch his brother to have the best affect on him.

As the days passed Sam's fear dripped off of him slowly.  Hours passed and he learned that Dean _did_ still know him, knew him maybe better than Sam had even realized.  Sam started to wonder if he had ever expressed himself as well as he could have - had he grown up speaking.  He'd made it such hard work for Dean to get to him, reach him through the wall of silence.  It stayed in his mind as the hours ticked by, and he wondered how he could change things around and make things... _better_. 

Having their Father around was good.  _Good_.  They hadn't been a family for years and Sam thrived.  The three Winchester's spent a lot of time together.  John and Sam, although they never spoke of it, came up with things for them all to do that didn't require Dean's sight.  It was a challenge.  One afternoon the three men gathered in the Motel room and John insisted that Sam blindfold himself while his two sons competed to see who could disassemble a handgun and fit it back together fastest.  Dean won.  Sam insisted Dean had an unfair advantage because he'd been practicing, fine-tuning his senses.  Dean launched across the table with his _finely tuned senses_ and wrestled Sam to the floor.  Soon enough the room was filled with laughter and Sam remembered the days of his youth.

More than halfway through the week their father turned up at the door at half past six and insisted they were going fishing. Dean was a little less than thrilled with the idea, especially since he and Sam had spent a late night continuing their _researching_, but Sam was up and ready to go within minutes, seemingly thrilled. Fishing was something Dean didn't have to put much energy into so he let himself be dragged along, especially since the promise of coffee was just a short car ride away. During the day they only shared quiet, occasional conversation but it was more comfortable than anything they had done up to that point. It was as though, finally all the pieces were exactly where they were supposed to be. It got Dean's mind churning.

Over a week of no sight and Dean was adjusting. It no longer seemed like such a daunting thing to shower alone - though Sam joined him more often than not, and he would have even if Dean could see - and crossing the room was something he could do at a normal pace. He still had his moments, when things were just a little too much, but the closer they got to the surgery date the more hope he felt. The day before the surgery they spent the morning discussing plans. It would be too much to try and stay at this motel for the two to three weeks after surgery so John insisted they follow him home and stay there for awhile. Dean could practically feel Sam's eyes on him, waiting for an objection, but Dean didn't have one and from the way Sam's leg bumped against his, it pleased his brother.

After lunch John excused himself, which had a lot to do with Dean pulling him aside and asking if they could have the rest of the day before the surgery tomorrow. Their dad seemed to understand without needing more information and Dean was pretty damn grateful for that. Nerves were beginning to work their way through his system and when they arrived back at the motel Dean didn't even wait for his brother before heading to the motel door, pressing his fingers into the wood and sighing softly. Of course it was locked and Sam had the key but at least his speed properly conveyed his urgency to be out of the public and alone with his brother.

Sam unlocked the door quickly, pushed it open and let Dean walk in.  Blinking at the change in the light, Sam started at the hard line of  Dean's shoulders.  "Almost made it ... y'okay?"

"Yes," Dean insisted and walked into the room, toeing off his shoes and kicking them across the room. After a moment he turned toward his brother, listening for his breathing. "No. No Sam I'm really not," he said softly and half stepped forward. "Jesus I'm so fucking scared," the worse came out strained and shaky, and Dean was honestly a little surprised that he'd voiced them at all, but he needed Sam more than he ever had before even if that meant revealing the deep, dark truth.

For the briefest moment, Sam was taken aback - Dean ... scared... his whole life he had never heard those words.  Maybe things were changing all on their own.  Stepping forward quickly Sam pulled Dean into his arms.  "Me too, but you know... " Sam whispered against his brothers cheek, "we're... it's gonna be okay... "  Sam figured there probably weren't any words that would bring Dean any comfort, after all, there were no certainties.

Leaning into his brother's body Dean pulled in a deep lung full of air, preparing himself to continue, "You know I love you right? If... if anything should happen... you're strong. You can handle it. Go with dad, figure some things out. Stop hunting if you want, move on. But I'll always love you. You never forget that okay?" He whispered and leaned forward to rest his face alongside Sam's, breathing deeply to soothe the swell of nerves.

"Don't."  Sam grasped his brother's shoulders and pushed him back so he could see Dean's face.  "Don't.  I don't ... I won't even think that.  It's... you're mine."  Sam's voice broke, "you're _mine_."  He squeezed his eyes shut, listening to his brother struggling to breathe through his anxiety.  He couldn't _be_ without Dean.  He couldn't.

"Okay, okay," Dean swallowed hard and reached out for Sam once more. "I just, it had to be said okay. I won't talk like that again. It's going to be fine and I'll be seeing again in no time, thank god," he forced himself to smile and tugged Sam back to him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Yeah, you should have ... if it's what you're thinking..." Sam pressed his lips to Dean's forehead; nose tickled by his brother's half spiked hair.    "It _is_ going to be okay... if it's not... if something."  Sam took a few moments, blinking as he looked down into his brother's sightless eyes.  "If something happens to you..." Sam's voice dropped to a whisper, "my heart will be destroyed.  I won't want to live... but I will.  Dad... I'll stay with Dad... and _you_ need to know that I will never love anyone the way I love you."  He let his forehead rest against Dean's.

Dean smiled softly and brushed their noses together, "you better not." His hands slid up into twine through Sam's hair. "Luckily, you're not gonna have to worry about that. I'm going to be just fine," Dean knew he was trying to convince both himself and Sam but he expected that was pretty normal for anyone going into surgery. "Do you want to discuss what happens after or would you rather wait until... you know, until we know the surgery went okay." Dean tilted his head forward, brushing his lips along Sam's cheeks.

"Hmmm, after..." Sam sighed, "when I get to take care of you? Sponge baths? Lots of snuggling?"  He smiled, loving the feel of Dean's smooth lips.

Dean chuckled softly and hummed, "sounds very good. Sponge baths and snuggling... and... research?" He asked with a slight smirk, stepping into Sam's warmth and wrapping arms tightly around him.

"Research, definitely."  Sam slid his hands into Dean's back pockets.  "Can I ask you something?"

"Duh," Dean laughed softly and dropped his head into the curve of Sam's neck, sucking softly along the flesh.

A small noise escaped Sam's lips and he stretched his neck to the side, "do you like it better now? Now I ... speak more?"

"Well..." Dean kissed softly along the skin, massaging his fingers in Sam's back. "I like the sound of your voice... and in this situation you didn't have much choice... but you know I'll never pressure you. Whether you want to speak or not..." Dean sucked on Sam's collarbone, hands sliding down to work under his shirt and up along his sides.

"But..." Sam licked his lips and shivered slightly, _God_ Dean always knew _just_ how to touch him.  "Is it easier f..for you?"  Sam's knees dipped as his brother's teeth clamped down on his shoulder.

"When I can't see..." Dean mumbled into his flesh and pulled back enough to tug Sam's shirt over his head, tossing it to the side before wrapping his arms low around Sam's back, dipping him back so his lips could slide down his skin. "I... I'll never complain about hearing you talk. But you know I can read you, when I can see, I _know_ you. So I want you to do... is it getting more comfortable for you?" Dean couldn't help grinning against Sam's skin, feeling only slightly guilty that he was distracting from Sam's serious conversation.

"Comfortable?" Good luck trying to focus on words when Dean's mouth was everywhere on him. "Mhmmm," he murmured, "c..comfortable."  His hands dragged up Dean's back fingers hooking under the bottom of his brother's shirt and dragging it up.  "Comfortable..." he mumbled again.

Dean grinned against Sam's flesh and backed him in the direction of the bed. "Yes, comfortable," he chuckled and stepped back enough to allow Sam to pull his shirt off his body. "Seems like you're getting there," he said softly and dropped his hands down to Sam's waist line, tracing along the fabric before he worked the button free and slowly dragged the zipper down. "If you decide this talking all the time thing is something you want to do... I won't complain," he chuckled once more and leaned in to run his lips over Sam's chest again, "but I won't complain if you have days when you don't talk too. Okay?" Dean hummed softly and slipped his hands under Sam's boxers and jeans, pressing hard into his hipbones.

Eyelids fluttering closed Sam moaned softly, "'kay, but..." Sam swallowed as his fingers slid along Dean's waist to unfasten his jeans, "right now? I would agree to anything."  Fumbling with the zipper for a few moments Sam slid his hand down over the bulge in Dean's boxers.  It always sent little shock waves through his body, feeling the heat radiating off Dean - how much his brother wanted him.

"Sam..." he moaned softly, rolling up into the touch. His fingers shifted up to curl around the material and push down. Dean found that he actually didn't mind being blind in these times. It was just like doing everything in the dark, which wasn't unheard for them. His fingers curled around Sam's hips, pushing him down on the bed as he slid to his knees. Dean dragged his hands down Sam's legs until he felt the jeans at his ankles, pulling them off, slightly relieved that Sam had taken his shoes off sometime when they'd entered. He used his hands as a guide to spread Sam's legs wider, trailing up along smooth flesh until he caressed the soft curls along the base of his cock, heat radiating off Sam strong enough to feel without touching.

Dean leaned forward until his head touched Sam's chest, tilting up to kiss along flesh and nudge him back slightly. A small smile worked along his lips as his fingers curled around Sam's hard flesh and stroked up slowly, holding along the top until his lips connected with his flesh. As his mouth opened to slide down over the crown his fingers stroked slowly, guiding his way. Dean moaned softly along the warmth, Sam's familiar taste sparking along his tongue.

Sam fell back on one hand, holding himself up as his other hand moved over Dean's cheek and slid back through his brother's hair.  Hips moving slowly, circling under his brother's touch Sam leaned back, arching up.  "Dean..." Sam sucked hard on his bottom lip, _God_ he always wanted more.  There was never enough time, enough touching, _enough_.  His heart was thudding already, shoving his blood through his veins at break-neck speed.  Pressing his legs against Dean's shoulders Sam looked back down, watching his brother's lips stretch over the head of his cock.  "_Fuck..._"

Dean's lips curved around the hard flesh in his mouth. He always enjoyed hearing how he affected Sam, the catch in his breath, the gasped words. Dean relaxed his jaw and sank lower down over Sam, hollowing his cheeks to apply the right type of pressure that always made Sam react. The skin beneath Dean's free hand burned into his palm as he slid his fingers down, massaging into his lover's balls slowly. Dean pulled back, blew over the wet flesh before dragging his tongue up along the underside and swirling slowly over the crown. "Mm Sam... you always taste so good," he blew out the words over the skin before opening his mouth over Sam once more, sucking a finger alongside the hard flesh to slick the digit before pulling it back and prodding gently down below. Dean moaned once more along Sam's flesh and released his hold on Sam to push down on his chest more, finger below circling around puckered flesh.

Sam fell back onto the bed, legs scrambling at the floor, "Jesus _Christ_ Dean..."  Sam's fingers curled into Dean's shoulders, his nails digging in as he arched forward to reach him.  "Ooh..." maybe it was the nerves, the anticipation of things tomorrow, Dean's words -but Sam was on fire.  Every touch of Dean's fingers, lips, body... anything ... and Sam's nerves lit up like a Christmas tree.  "More..." he rumbled deep in his chest as he slithered his ass forward, sinking Dean's finger further into him.

A low growl worked through Dean chest and he pulled back completely, head lifting, finger slipping out, to curl his fingers around Sam's hips and shove him further up the bed. "Lube," he grunted and shoved down at his jeans and boxers, kicking them off as he crawled up the bed. He crawled up onto the mattress, reaching out to trail his fingers along Sam's legs as his brother shifted back on the bed. Dean covered his body, kissing along his chest and rubbing their hips together. "Need you," he moaned.

Sam reached under the pillow and snatched at the bottle of lube, missed, then pulled it out.  He swore under his breath, hands clumsy and _God_ he could barely see - his body was on overload... Dean's words shot through him and cranked up his want.  Finally managing to stop his hands shaking enough to open the bottle Sam poured some lube in the palm of his hand and stretched his arm down to slide his hand around Dean's cock, covering his brother's hot flesh with the cool liquid.  Sam was pretty sure he made a sound that was a whimper but he'd deny it later and then Dean's lips were on his again and he found it hard to care what noises he made.

It was a very good thing they found themselves in this position so often because Dean really didn't want to waste time with preparing him. "Fuck Sam I gotta..." he murmured, listening to Sam's quick inhale as he released his hold on his lube slicked flesh. He shifted Sam beneath him, hooking his legs up around his shoulders and lining himself up. Dean's head dropped back with a loud groan as he slid forward into tight heat, sucking in a deep breath. "God... love you..." he moaned, a long shudder coursing down his spine.

Sam's breath hitched in his chest as Dean plunged into him.  It burned slightly, but Sam's body was used to Dean's - fitted to him perfectly just like they belonged together.  Forcing breath into his lungs Sam panted through the slight pain, letting his muscles relax, focusing on the heat of Dean's body.  Slipping his hands under his own body, Sam pushed his hips up higher off the bed and drawing Dean deeper.  A moment of sadness washed over Sam as he gazed up at Dean's eyes.  _God_ he missed that, the way Dean's eyes held his as he fucked down into him.  Brow furrowed Sam reached for Dean's neck, "kiss me..."

Dean hummed slightly and dropped down to his hands, pulling slightly out of Sam and rocking forward as he rubbed the side of his face along Sam's chest, up to his neck. He continued his gentle rocking thrusts as his lips tilted toward his brother's, brushing along skin before settling over Sam's mouth. Dean sucked in a quick breath through his nose, nostrils flaring as Sam clenched tightly around him. The gentle, shallow pace of his thrusts was a little mind bending but so _fucking_ good Dean felt like he could just keep it up like this forever. There was nothing better than the way Sam's body curved into him, the quick rush of his breath. Dean slipped his tongue forward in gentle strokes to match his slow thrusts.

Rocking up into his brother, taking as much as Dean could thrust - Sam's body took over.  His skin was tingling and flushed, tongue battling with Dean's.  Dean's mouth was wet and hot, each thrust of his tongue sending little shivers down Sam's neck.  Curling up off the bed he clung to Dean's shoulders body aching, leg straining as their bodies rocked together.  The angle of Dean's cock hit just the right spot deep inside Sam and his body jolted off the mattress.  Spine arching he moaned into his brother's mouth then tore his lips away to suck in a long deep breath of air.  "Love..." Sam sighed out, the _you_ lost somewhere between breaths.

Sucking in another deep breath Dean pushed up enough to quicken his thrusts down into Sam. He grunted heavily as he increased his pace, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. It soothed his mind, calmed her nerves, making everything shift and focus in on just _Sam_. With a long moan he dipped his head down, driving in deep with the pressure of Sam's legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him down hard. "Sammy..." he murmured, leaning down until his lips grazed flesh, sucking softly.  
   
Their bodies touched everywhere Sam needed them to touch, perfectly fitted.  Thighs quivering Sam gripped his brother with his legs, hips rolling up each time Dean pounded into him.  Rock hard body, rigid cock, _God_ Sam loved this, loved _Dean_.  "Love..." Sam moaned and sucked in a breath, "love when you fuck me...." Dean's cock swept past his prostate again and Sam's spine twisted as his eyelids fluttered closed and heat flared once more in his body.  Sliding his hand down his body Sam curled his fingers around the base of his cock and stroked in time with Dean's thrusts.  "Harder..." he pleaded softly.

The only thing that made being buried in Sam better was when Sam chose to use words like _fuck_ and _harder_. Dean made a mental note to mention that to Sam when they resumed their 'if he should talk more' conversation before he zeroed in on the task at hand once more. His fingers curled around Sam's flesh as he pulled completely out and slammed down hard enough to shift Sam up the mattress. He repeated the motion immediately, fucking hard into him, body rippling from the shock waves. "Fuck... not gonna..." he moaned out, giving his usual half warning to let Sam know just how close he was too losing control completely. He slammed forcefully down into Sam, headboard bumping up against the wall.

Sam planted one hand against the head board the other gripping Dean's neck.  Wave after wave of desire washed through Sam's body; Dean's body slammed bruisingly hard into Sam's and he could feel his orgasm bursting through him, radiating out until his cock was pumping out come onto his belly.  Nails scrapping down Dean's chest Sam growled out his brother's name as his body jolted and twitched, hips still rolling up into Dean's.

Dean came in long, shallow thrusts, barely making a noise as his release rocked through him. A soft, blissful sigh fell from him as he worked through the edges of his orgasm, body shaking slightly. "Mmm," he hummed as he dropped down over Sam's body, burrowing into his neck and panting softly. Dean could feel his heart racing, blood pumping loudly in his ears. His nerves about the surgery still lingered around his system but Sam had definitely calmed him, like he always would. Dean smiled against Sam's flesh and curled his arms into his side.

"That was," Sam panted, "l..loved that."  He locked his arm around Dean's neck, keeping him close wanting them to stay locked together.  He could feel Dean's heart beating, strong and hard against his chest and smiled lazily against his brother's hair.  "Love you," he whispered, kissing Dean's ear softly.  His free hand slid down Dean's back, damp with sweat and settled on the small of his back.  Dean's muscles were still relaxing, Sam could feel them twitching under his palm. 

Still smiling Dean pressed a kiss to Sam's neck. "Love you too." He sighed softly around the words and imagined the look of post orgasm bliss Sam usually had. _God_ he couldn't wait to see that again. _Soon_ he told himself, squeezing Sam softly before gently withdrawing with only the slightest gasp.

Huffing Sam kept hold of his brother, "Stay... for a minute."  He just wanted to feel the weight of his brother, Dean's presence.  "Please," he whispered, committing to memory how it felt to be covered by his brother's flesh.  "God, I love you _so_ much..." Sam moaned and hooked a leg over Dean's so he couldn't roll away. "It almost hurts," he murmured.

Dean settled gently back over his brother and buried back into his neck, pulling in deep lung fulls of his familiar scent. "You're my everything..." he mumbled against the skin, not caring how cheesy it made him sound. Dean couldn't imagine a life without Sam, no matter how that life ended up. When it boiled down to it, he'd give up everything - even his _car_ \- as long as Sam was by his side. A small smile tugged on his lips as he rose and fell gently with Sam's breathing.

"Wow," Sam laughed softly, "everything ... I'm awesome."  But he knew that Dean was _well_ aware of how serious Sam was, the weight of the upcoming surgery was still there with them... just further away ... pushed aside for the moment.  He lost track of time, feeling his brother's heart, breathing in the scent of _them_, hands moving over Dean's skin as it cooled.  "Okay," he pushed gently on Dean's shoulder, "roll over..."  Dean rolled to his back and Sam shifted to the edge of the bed and stood, padded over to the bathroom and returned quickly with a warm damp cloth.  Smiling, eyes roaming over Dean's relaxed body Sam leaned down and wiped his brother's chest, stomach, cock and thighs.  Maybe he didn't need to, maybe, maybe he just wanted to touch all of him.  "Be right back."  He slipped back into the bathroom, rinsed the cloth and used it to wipe himself clean.  Thoughts of the next day started to creep back into Sam's mind and he hurried back to the bed, crawling over Dean and collapsing beside his brother in an exhausted heap.

Instantly, Dean's arms wrapped around Sam, holding him close even as he felt sleep pulling at his senses. They still had some time to kill and Dean wasn't too sure he wanted to sleep. It would only bring the surgery closer. He was glad their dad had stuck around, this way Sam wouldn't be alone during the wait time. There was nothing worse than sitting alone in the waiting room and hoping whatever news came wouldn't be bad. Dean blew out a shaky breath and squeezed Sam softly. "I'm gonna be okay..." he whispered, reassuring himself more than his brother.

It reminded Sam of when they were kids, when Sam would wake from a nightmare and slip into bed beside his brother.   Dean would pull him close and would whisper to Sam, telling him dreams, fears and wishes.  Sam smiled, eyebrows pulling together slightly, "you're _going_ to be fine," he echoed, voice barely audible.  "I'll be right with you as long as they let me," he kissed Dean's cheek, his chin, the corner of his mouth, "and I'll be right there when you're all fixed up."

"Good," Dean smiled and turned his head enough to catch Sam's lips in a soft kiss. Dean made himself think about seeing again, about how things would be better sooner rather than later. He knew he was strong enough for this, after everything they'd been through. "Nap time," he informed with a soft chuckle, not loosening his grip from Sam's body.

"Old man," Sam teased, but his eyes were already closed.

[part 04 is now here](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/79591.html#cutid1)

 

[Master Post](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html)


	4. A Thousand Whispers 04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean from ["A Thousand Touches"](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html) are back in this sequel. Time has passed; the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer. An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.

  
  
  
**Entry tags:** |   
[a thousand touches](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/a+thousand+touches), [a thousand whispers](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/a+thousand+whispers), [char and brie](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/char+and+brie), [sam/dean](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/sam/dean), [slash](http://masterlist415.livejournal.com/tag/slash)  
  
---|---  
  
_ **[Slash] A Thousand Whispers 04/04 - Sam/Dean** _   


**Title:** A Thousand Whispers 04  
**Authors:** [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=cha)[Charlotte](http://www.livejournal.com/users/cha/) and [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=anyothergirl415)[Miss. Brie](http://www.livejournal.com/users/anyothergirl415/)  
**Pairing:** Sam/Dean  
**Rating/Warnings:** NC-17,   
**Disclaimer:** Kripke's boys, not ours, even if we want them to be.  
**Summary: ** Sam and Dean from ["A Thousand Touches"](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html) are back in this sequel. Time has passed; the boys are still hunting together and growing impossibly closer. An accident changes things for both of them bringing about challenges and feelings they'd never thought they'd face.

[Master Post](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html)

  


 

Waking up was great until Sam and Dean were slammed with the reality of an early surgery. There were several problems with the early morning appointment not the least of which was the fact that Dean couldn't have any coffee or breakfast. Sam moved quickly, trying to stay close to his brother and _out_ of Dean's way at the same time; it was a technique he'd mastered over the years. John knocked at their door just as Dean was coming out of the shower and Sam shot him a _be careful_ look from under raised eyebrows.

They made it to the hospital right on time and Dean was ushered to a bay in a pre-surgical ward. Sam was by his side, the Doctors words jumbling around in his head as the procedure was explained to them one final time. All Sam focused on was the fact that Dean's fingers had searched about on the edge of the bed until Sam had grabbed them. _Still here_. Sam managed to tease Dean about his blue hospital cap and the blue booties they put on his feet but he made sure that his brother's ass wasn't visible through the back of the gown. After all, he assured Dean, there were a lot of hot orderlies and nurses. When the E.R. nurse arrived to escort Dean to the operating room she commented that she'd never seen so much smiling in pre-op before.

Sam's smile faded a little now the time had come for Dean to leave. He glanced up at the nurse shyly and leaned down to press his lips to Dean's. Their mouths moved together for a few slow, delicious moments then Sam pressed his forehead to his brother's, hand pressed over Dean's heart _I love you_ and whispered, "see you soon."

Dean's heart was hammering so hard he was just glad he hadn't been hooked up to a machine yet, otherwise he might break the thing or something. And he felt a little like he was going to be sick. "Sammy," he swallowed hard and laid his hand over Sam's on his chest. "Love you 'kay?" He whispered, wetting his lips nervously.

"I know." Sam kissed him once more and stepped back, running a hand nervously through his hair.

Dean wished he could turn around and look at his brother as the nurse led him in back, small hand on his arm. "You're boyfriend is really cute," she said with a soft giggle that had Dean grinning despite his nerves.

If he wasn't about to go into surgery - and if he could fucking see the look on her face - he might have responded with something like, actually he's my brother. Instead he simply nodded and murmured, "yeah. I can't wait to see him again."

"Soon enough," she ensured quietly and helped him down onto a bed, guiding him with a hand until he lay flat on the stiff operating bed. "So as we've explained, you have to be awake for the surgery but we'll use clamps to keep your eyes open and we'll be putting a heavy pain medicine in your IV. It's probably going to make you feel a little... well... crazy, but in a pleasant, everything is feeling good way."

Dean clenched his jaw around a smile and nodded. He appreciated the nurse's attempts at calming him and wondered if his stiff body was giving away his nerves. People moved around him, hooking him up to machines, needle sliding into his arm, oxygen mask placed over his mouth and nose. Dean's panic began to rise again, thoughts exploding in his mind one right after another. _What if something goes wrong?_ _What if I never see again?_ _What if I **die**?_ Then the medicine kicked in and the doctor was talking to him but Dean couldn't make much sense of the words. Even when he was certain the surgery was beginning, he couldn't feel a thing, and that was at least one minor relief. Not that he cared much about anything by that point.

 

Sam paced.

John tried to read a newspaper but ended up tossing it on the seat beside him.

After about twenty minutes Sam sank to the edge of the seat in the chair beside his father and asked if the clock on the wall was working. He had _never_ felt time go so slowly before in his entire life. After the first ten minutes Sam gave up trying to figure out what would be happening to Dean because it just made him feel like he needed to throw up or run. Run? Run where - there was no way he was going to leave the hospital.

After half an hour of watching Sam fidget and fuss John went to get them coffee and something to eat from the cafeteria. He was quite sure that coffee wasn't the best idea considering how strung out Sam was but John wasn't all that schooled in the art of comforting his adult sons. Sam took the coffee and sipped at it but didn't eat. It wasn't until John started asking about the last few years, wanting stories from Sam about his life with Dean that the time seemed to start moving again at a normal speed. Sam even smiled, telling their father about some of their funnier hunts, mishaps, little things that only Dean would know.

Sam paced some more.

After about two hours Sam blurted out his frustration at a procedure that could take as long as four hours. John nodded and went to check with the nurse's station. There was no news yet, John had known there wouldn't be but it wasn't a Winchester trait to be able to sit around indefinitely doing nothing.

When the doctor finally came through the hallway doors John and Sam were on their feet instantly.

"So, everything went really well," the doctor smiled at them both, leafing through the file in his hand. "David did fantastic though it went a little longer than we'd expected. But, everything is back in its place. He has bandages on now and he'll have to keep those on for at least forty eight hours but after that he can go back to things as usual. Just make sure he takes it easy, doesn't try to strain himself with seeing things as his vision returns. And he should be wearing sunglasses out in the daylight just to be safe. No more sealing roof tops at night time," the doctor's smile widened and he flipped the file closed, looking at both John and Sam in turn. "Any questions for me?"

"Can he see?" Sam glanced at his father, "I mean ... when will we know?" Rolling his bottom lip into his mouth Sam looked down into the Doctor's eyes.

"Well everything has been reattached so his vision should be returning in the next two to three weeks. I'd say if he can't see anything by week three you probably want to come back in, let me take a look and see what's going on," the doctor stepped forward and laid a hand on Sam's shoulder. "But I don't see any reason why that should happen. He'll be back to normal before you know it."

"I wanna see him," Sam glanced at John again when the oldest Winchester squeezed his arm, "I mean, when... can I?" He wouldn't believe completely that Dean was okay until he could see him with his own eyes, touch him.

"They're just moving him into recovery; I'll send a nurse out to get you as soon as he's ready." The doctor nodded and gave them another smile, stepping back. "Just to warn you, we had him on a different sort of pain medicine for the surgery, so he may be a little out of it. As I spoke with him earlier he was going on about Ghouls, so..." the doctor chuckled softly and held out his hand to John to shake and then Sam. "You still have my card if you have any questions or concerns."

Smirking, Sam glanced over at his father and then back to the Doctor, "Thank you."

By the time the nurse came to get them, John had managed to convince his youngest to actually eat one of the sandwiches that he'd bought. The nurse had a bit of trouble keeping Sam _behind_ her as she tried to lead them down the hall to the recovery room. Sam moved quickly into the room and slid to a halt by Dean's side. There was oxygen hooked under Dean's nose, an IV in his arm and his eyes were bandaged. Sam reached out and touched Dean's cheek lightly, "hey you," he murmured.

John moved to the other side of the gurney and watched Dean's face for signs that he was awake.

"Sammmmy," Dean murmured, turning into the touch and nuzzling softly. "There's something... on my... face..." he said slowly and lifted a hand up to touch the bandages over his eyes. Everything felt oddly fuzzy, and lifting his arm took actual effort. But Sam was there, which was really _good_.

Laughing softly Sam caught his brother's hand and pressed it back down on his chest. "Bandages, Dean. Surgery remember?" Sam reached back with his foot, hooked it round the leg of a chair and pulled it over so he could sit down. He rested his chin on Dean's hand and smiled up at his brother. "How you feeling?"

Dean swallowed a few times and rolled slightly on the mattress. The sheets were cool against his skin and he sighed softly, tilting his head to the side, "mm I think someone... poisoned my coffee. Hey! Is dad... dad is..." Dean trailed off, losing his train of thought as the medicines pumping through his system intensified.

John reached and gripped Dean's shoulder, "I'm right here, son." John stifled a laugh, "no one poisoned you, it's the drugs from surgery."

"Hey Dean, I'm the most awesome little brother right?" Sam kissed the back of Dean's hand. He grinned; feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Dean's hand tingled pleasantly under Sam's lips and he smiled sleepily, humming once more. "S'true Sammy. You're super. Awesome. Mm I want pie, can I eat something... hungry..." his free hand slid to the side where he knew his dad was.

John laughed and grabbed Dean's hand, "as much pie as you want, soon as we're allowed to take you out of here." His eyes crinkled as he glanced over at Sam.

"Cherry pie," Sam whispered.

"Cherry pie," Dean repeated and nodded slowly, squeezing the two hands held in his. "Then... to Kansas... hey Sammy," Dean's head fell to the side, hand tugging against his for a minute. "I totally love you man," he mumbled, wetting his lips and breaking off halfway through as a yawn stretched his mouth open.

"Gonna check with the nurse, or," John looked around, "someone. Find out when we can bust you outta here, son." He nodded at Sam and disappeared around the corner.

Sam sat up closer to the bed so he could press his lips to the corner of Dean's mouth. "Missed you," he whispered and grinned. One hurdle passed. "Gonna take you back to the Motel soon, 'kay?" He just wanted to get Dean comfortable, settled, and curl up next to him and _finally_ sleep properly.

"Mmkay," Dean mumbled, turning into the kiss. "Research?" He asked with a faint grin free hand lifting to graze along the bandages covering his eyes.

Sam grabbed Dean's hand again, stopped him from fussing with the bandages. "I think, maybe no research tonight," Sam actually blushed which made the grin spread wider across his face. "You need to rest. Gotta get you better."

"Okay, son. When you're acting a little more normal we can take you outta here." John lifted his eyebrows at Sam and shrugged.

"M'plenty normal actin'," Dean pushed up from the bed slightly. "Less go now kay? Not gonna rest here," he leaned toward his brother, trying to get him to help him out of the bed. "Please? Ya know how... hospitals suck."

"I know, just a few more minutes." Sam pressed his brother gently back down onto the bed and glanced over at John.

Glancing around, John made sure no one was near enough to hear him use his son's real name. "Dean, you settle down a bit longer, you hear me?" Looking over at Sam he nodded, "M'gonna go see how to sign him out."

Dean sighed and shifted back on the bed. He still felt pleasantly tingly and fuzzy but Dean felt pretty damn aware of things. Like the knowledge that he'd just had doctors prodding around inside his _eyeballs_. "Hey," he reached out for his brother again, head tilting his way. "How'd it... I... when can I see again?" Dean slid his lips together slowly, working the small amount of saliva in his mouth over the flesh.

Reaching for the glass of ice chips Sam picked some out with his fingers and rubbed the ice along Dean's lips then slid the ice into his brother's mouth. "We gotta keep the bandages on for forty-eight hours, then... we'll have to wait...your eyes need time to heal." Sam frowned rubbing his arm down Dean's chest. It smelled all wrong, iodine, cleaners - he just wanted to get his brother out of there.

"'Kay," Dean mumbled around the ice before sealing his lips closed to suck on the cube. A wave of exhaustion coursed through Dean but he didn't want to sleep here, he wanted to lie in Sam's arms. "Wanna... sleep with you..." he whispered, scooting along the bed slightly.

"Oh _don't_ worry, m'not leavin' here without you." Sam slid his arm over Dean's chest and rested his chin back on Dean's arm. "Besides, they won't wanna keep you 'cause they'd have to keep me and Dad too." Sam smiled, tilting his head down to kiss Dean's arm.

It took about three hours for them to get Dean out of the hospital, the nurse insisting on have a few hours of good vitals before releasing his papers. Dean mostly slept and babbled on about whatever random subject sparked up in his mind. Sam stuck dutifully beside him, as did John though he chose to sit in the seat across the far side of the room, there if he was needed. It was a true sign how comfortable they'd all become with each other when John didn't so much as bat an eye at the way Sam's lips rested against Dean's hand for most of the time.

When they were allowed to go Dean was pushed out in a wheel chair, even though he insisted he was more than capable of walking. Sam let their dad drive in favour of sitting in back with Dean, letting his brother lay heavily against his side, smiling at the way he hummed his way through half an ACDC CD. Dean was mostly passed out by the time they arrived at the motel so Sam needed their dad's help in pull him out from the back seat and guide him inside.

Dean sighed heavily as they gently laid him down on the bed, flopping onto his back and lifting his arm to lay over his bandages. "Pie now?" He mumbled, feeling as if he deserved some sort of reward for this whole ordeal. "And medicine," he added and swallowed thickly. "And beer," a small smile worked on his lips, wondering how many of his request he'd actually be allowed to have.

Shaking his head John moved back toward the door, "I'll go fill the prescription and get pie. There will be no beer, Dean." He used his _command_ voice but it only made Sam laugh because Dean waved his hand dismissively in the general direction of his Dad's voice.

Once the door clicked shut behind their father Sam kneeled beside his brother on the bed, "you okay in your clothes?" He smoothed Dean's hair back from the bandages. It was so strange to see his brother's face half covered with bandages, his freckles stood out against the white of the gauze and it was hard to tell what Dean was thinking.

"Shoes," Dean kicked his legs up, too lazy to try and pull them up.

Chuckling softly, Sam moved to the bottom of the bed and tugged his brother's shoes off then slipped them under the bed ... _just_ in case Dean decided to try and make a break for it at any point. "Okay Princess, you need anything other than me?" Sam's fingers rested on Dean's shoulder.

"Mm no, just you," Dean murmured and stretched his arms up to slide around Sam's body, pulling him down. He shifted his body up the bed slightly until his head settled on the pillow, soft sigh falling from his lips. "Nap. I need that," he added softly and tugged on Sam to pull him close.

Sam was quite happy to just lie there, curled up against Dean, running his fingers over Dean's hair. _Quite_ happy.

 

Dean slept mostly through the first day, post hospital, and was only vaguely aware when Sam and John gathered up the stuff and packed up their vehicles. They helped him into the passenger seat at some point and the moment Sam was revving the engine Dean was slumping over onto his side. He knew Sam didn't mind and he couldn't help smiling softly, curling an arm around his leg. They hadn't said much to each other since he'd returned from the hospital but there was a comfortable sort of peace blanketing over them. Dean felt relaxed, hopeful, he knew the surgery was over and that calmed him almost as much as his brother's presence.

The pain medicine pretty much drained Dean of all energy to do much outside of sleep which was fine because they were driving. They stopped only when necessary, not bothering with a motel for the night. So by the time they arrived at John's place a good seventeen hours later, Sam was just as tired as Dean seemed to constantly be. The moment they stepped inside their dad's place they headed for the bedroom, both ready to spread out on the mattress in the guest room.

When Dean woke the next day he sat on the edge of the mattress, waiting for Sam to wake up, desperate to know if he could take the bandages off. He had no concept of time, hadn't really now for almost two weeks, and he was more than ready to be past this. Some part of him knew he wouldn't just magically be able to see after his bandages were removed but they were starting to irritate his skin. And every little step forward counted.

Groaning, Sam's arm reached out to pat the bed beside him, "Dean?" His fingers finally found his brother's back and he hooked them over the top of Dean's boxers. "Git back here, sleep more." Tugging gently he scooted closer to his brother's warmth.

"I wanna take the bandages off," Dean murmured, turning on the bed to reach out for his brother. "Can you... is it time? Can you do that?" His fingers lifted up to graze along the bandages.

"Okay," Sam shifted back a little, "lie down again, gimme a minute to wake up, you want me to do it here? Just you and me?" Sam smiled - a gentle expression of hope on his face.

"Yeah, just you and me," Dean said softly, settling back down on the bed. "Is it... what time is it? I mean, I think it probably shouldn't be too bright in here, to be safe," he blew out a long exhale, telling himself to not get too over hyped. It would be easy to get his hopes up and that couldn't happen, especially since he wasn't likely to be seeing anything real well any time soon.

"Dean, relax, the curtains are pulled. It's still quite dim in here." Sam's hands moved over his brother's face gently as though he could smooth away the worry. Rolling so he was lying partially across Dean's chest Sam smiled. "You ready?" His fingers settled at the edge of the bandages.

"Yeah," Dean pursed his lips and reached out to lay his hand on Sam's arm. "You know I... I won't be able to see right away right?" He sucked in a quick breath, heart fluttering nervously.

"I know ... it's gonna take a while. The doctor said you might be able to see a bit of light, something like that." Sam's fingers started to pull up the surgical tape at the sides of the bandages, "it's not a big deal if there's nothing." He took a deep breath trying to steady his hands. The bandages weren't too difficult to remove, they'd been on for a couple of days and the tape wasn't as sticky as when Dean first got them. "Okay..." Sam hesitated for a moment then lifted the bandages. Dean's eyes were swollen, a little crusty, red where the bandages had been and he looked more like he'd been in a bar brawl than surgery.

"Do I look like shit?" Dean mumbled, hand lifting to touched the tender flesh. He wouldn't admit it to Sam out loud but he was a little bit scared to open his eyes. "Should I... maybe you could get me a wet rag or something?" He dragged his tongue across his lips, biting down after moment.

"You just look like I punched you in the nose," Sam tried to sound like he was smiling even though his nerves were getting the better of him. "Just hang on." He slipped out of bed and darted across the hall into the bathroom, returning quickly with a damp wash cloth and Gloria's mirror Sam settled back on the bed. Without waiting for Dean to ask he wiped at Dean's eyes, cleaning them as gently as he could. "Nice to see your face again," he murmured in between strokes. Once he thought he had Dean looking as fresh-faced as possible he tossed the washcloth on the floor and lay back across his brother's chest. "Okay, no more excuses."

Dean swallowed once more and nodded, breathing deeply before slowly lifting his eye lids. There really wasn't anything, just that familiar darkness he'd gotten kind of used to in the past couple of weeks. Dean sighed softly and blinked a few times, turning toward the weight of his brother. As his eyes moved something seemed to blur along the edges, the vaguest whisper of light, "I... I think I saw some light but it's gone now," he said softly, eyes drifting in circles in attempts to bring the flash of light back.

"It's okay, don't strain." Sam's hands continued to move over his brother's cheeks softly. "You've had your eyes closed for days; you remember how it feels when you first wake up in the morning? How hard it is to see? This is the same." He pressed his lips to Dean's, gazing into his brother's eyes, "it's really dark in here too." Of course, Sam had hoped for Dean being able to see him, that's what had been in his heart but the rational part of his mind, knew that wasn't going to happen.

Dean sighed and leaned into Sam's touch. "No miracle fixes..." he said softly and sat up, rubbing at the sensitive skin along his eyes, pushing toward the edge of the mattress. "I think I'm gonna go shower..." Dean tried to push back the swirl of sadness that swept up in him. _Time_ he knew it wasn't going to be an instant thing but _Jesus_ he missed his brothers face. Dean stood slowly, heart sinking as he realized he had to completely learn a whole new room and there was only a vague whisper of an idea of how the room looked.

"Do you mind if I come with?" Sam's voice was a little strained. There was no doubt that Dean was a little rattled by not seeing anything. Sam could see it - see the tension in his brother's back. "Please?"

If Dean where in just a slightly worse state of mind he probably would have said no. But, as usual, he needed Sam. And the idea of trying to figure everything out alone and still in the dark was too overwhelming. He couldn't get himself to say those things though. Instead he just held out his hand, a silent invitation, head dropping down.

Slipping his palm across his brother's Sam let Dean pull him up and then paced slightly ahead of him across the hall to the bathroom. Closing and locking the door Sam brushed past Dean and turned the tap on; making sure the water was nice and hot. "You know, Dean..." Sam stepped closer, fingers sliding under the waistband of his brother's boxers, "you're going to see again." He pushed Dean's boxers down until he could step out of them.

"I know," Dean said softly, resting his hands on Sam's shoulders softly. "It's just... tiring. All this darkness... not seeing you... remember when you mentioned the stars the other night? I swear to god when I get my eyesight back we're going to sleep under the stars just so I can stare at them," he smiled softly and blinked his eyes a few times, chasing another flicker of almost light just out of his line of sight.

"Did you see something?" Sam watched Dean's eyes move as though they had purpose and felt a little flare of hope.

"Just another flicker of light," Dean shrugged and stepped forward to lean against Sam's chest. "It's gonna be a long couple of weeks."

"Shower," Sam shifted the curtain back and stepped in to the tub. He grabbed Dean's hand and waited for his brother to climb in too. Showers were great, showers with _Dean_ were one of Sam's favourite things. Soaping up his hands he started washing his brother's shoulders and chest. "I think I'm gonna like staying here for a bit. Been looking forward to seeing Dad. Gloria seems nice." Sam's eyes widened a little and he blinked a few times when he realized that, for him that had amounted to babbling.

Dean's eyebrow arched slightly, slight smile on his face. "Yeah, it'll be nice to meet her, see what they're like together. It's weird... thinking about him with a girlfriend," Dean leaned slightly back into Sam's touch with a faint chuckle. "Do you... ever think about having a home like this? With a real job?" Dean had been thinking about the idea for awhile no, just waiting for the right time to talk to Sam about, to make sure he was happy where he was.

"Well," Sam took a moment to lather up his own chest so that he could slide his body back and forth against his brother's back. "My home ... is anywhere you are. I like our life but... sometimes... I mean." Sam leaned his chin on Dean's shoulder as he thought, hands moving over Dean's belly. "I'd like a dog. I _want_ a dog. Can't have a dog in the car. Well, not in motels all the time." He huffed out a breath and tapped Dean's arm, "turn around."

Turning toward Sam, Dean tilted his head back and wet his lips, enjoying the feel of Sam's hands over him. His own hands rose to lie on Sam's body, massaging softly. "You know... if you wanted... I'd be okay with that. Getting a place, around here or something. We could still hunt; maybe we'd go once every few months or something... I just..." Dean frowned and scratched the side of his neck. "Getting hurt like this really got me thinking about things. If it had been you in this place, I'd... it wouldn't even be a question. I wouldn't want your life at risk like that again. But your life _is_ at risk, and this could have happened to you, just as easily. I'm not so sure anymore if I can just be okay with taking those changes again."

"Both of us... worth the same." Sam slipped down to kneel in the tub and rubbed the bar of soap on Dean's thigh and worked his way down his leg. "So - you'd like to settle a bit?" He looked up, blinking as the water sprayed across his face. There were times when Sam would love a home, a place to have _things_. All those things that other people take for granted, their own TV and a couch - _God_ a couch that no one else had sat on. Sam thought about a nice big bed with crisp white sheets and a big fluffy down comforter. "And I'd like a big fluffy quilt," he mumbled.

Dean blinked, caught a flicker of light and blinked again. It was gone just as quick but it was the third something after so much darkness so that was progress he supposed. "A big fluffy quilt huh?" Dean smiled softly and reached out until he could touch Sam's hair. If he were honest, the last couple weeks hadn't been so bad - minus the no eyesight thing. Just hanging out with the dad, not worrying about supernatural creatures, enjoying things like fishing and beating their dad at poker. "So... maybe we can try it. I... I'm sure we could find jobs. Dad did it, gave up hunting..." he moved slightly up into Sam's thighs, feeling the strangest sort of relief floating through him. It would be nice to not have to worry all the time that something bad might happen and the more he considered the possibility, the better it sounded.

Sam stood up again, groaning, "I'm gettin' old." His nose wrinkled as he laughed quietly, "so can I get a dog?" He pressed his lips to Dean's, slipping his tongue forward to sweep across his brother's lips. When Dean started to answer, Sam parted his lips and pressed into Dean's mouth. Slow movements, tongues pushing then retreating, they kissed until Sam was panting softly under the sound of the rushing water. "So... can I?"

"Yeah and a big fluffy quilt," Dean chuckled and pressed back into Sam, using his hands on Sam's jaw to hold him firmly in place and kiss him hard. His hands slid down Sam's neck, shoulders, arms until he could grasp the soap in Sam's hands. Dean slid his tongue forward to sweep along the inside of Sam's mouth as he rubbed the soap in small circles along his brother's chest, covering every inch of him. He moaned into the kiss and pressed forward to rub their soapy bodies together as his hands slid around to Sam's back, continuing the circles. A small noise of encouragement fell from Sam's lips as his hands dipped down to ass, massaging the soap into the firm flesh, squeezing roughly, fingers trailing along the crack. Dean dropped the soap so he had both hands free to slide around to Sam's hips, working through the curls and dipping low to massage low between his legs.

It always felt so different, sliding together, soapy and slick. Sometimes, it felt as though they simply _had_ to keep moving because they couldn't hold on to each other. Sam twisted his hips from side to side, loving the way their bodies moved. Sam's lips broke from Dean's as he dipped his head down to drag his tongue down his brother's neck; sun-kissed skin, rough then smooth, scarred then perfect, _Dean_. Running his parted lips along Dean's collar bone, Sam pressed up hard against his brother's body. "Can I..." teeth caught the flesh on Dean's neck, "have two dogs?" Straightening, Sam let his tongue trace the edge of Dean's ear.

"We'll... see..." Dean said through a soft moan, body pushing forward into Sam then pulling him back so they could both step under the spray. "Maybe... I'll get a dog. Then we'll have two..." he grinned and pushed Sam against the wall, hands dragging along his skin. "I'm gonna get a toy poodle. Name it Fluff Ball or something," he laughed at this, trailing off into a soft moan as their cocks brushed together, soapy and slick.

"Hmmm," Sam's hand squeezed in between them, long fingers curling around both their cocks, "Fluff ball... gay" he whispered as his hand stroked up slowly. Letting his head fall back against the tiled wall he hummed happily and curved his free hand over his brother's hip. Sam wondered briefly if they were using up all the hot water then quickly decided as his hand stroked down - that it would be worth getting grief from their Dad.

"And I..." Dean moaned softly and rocked up into Sam's hand. "Am totally not gay." He grinned as his head dipped forward to rest in the crook of Sam's neck, breathing in the smell of water and his brother, mixed together in his senses. His hand dropped down to massage along Sam's balls, working the flesh slowly between his fingers. He couldn't get his hips to stop moving up into Sam's touch, another moan falling from his mouth.

"Don't care ..." Sam sucked a bruise onto Dean's neck then worked his way back up to his brother's mouth, "what you are..." He licked Dean's mouth open, pushing, _wanting_ \- hand stroking harder and faster as Dean's hips rocked up into him. His hand sneaked around to Dean's ass, squeezing, rubbing, massaging then running down the cleft of his ass. "Could we..." panting, Sam rested his cheek against Dean's, hand working both their swollen shafts. "Bed... bed with a headboard... maybe you could..." Sam could feel himself blushing, heat creeping up his body.

Dean moaned low in his throat, trying to keep his voice quiet so their dad wouldn't hear in case he was awake and home. Dean _still_ had no idea what time it was. "Y-yeah..." he murmured, pressing hard into Sam's body, hips jerking steadily. "So I can... tie you up," he grinned into Sam's neck and sucked hard on the skin, bringing blood to the surface. He nudged Sam's legs apart gently and prodded his finger down lower, massaging the puckered flesh with a still soap covered finger. "Handcuffs? Blindfold? Train _your_ senses?" he murmured as his lips shifted up to press against Sam's ear.

Sam's entire body shuddered at the thought of being tied up by his brother, fingers stroking their cocks faster. "_Fuck_, I can't even..." his mind just stopped working, images of his brother controlling him pushing everything else out of his mind. "Hot..." Sam arched off the wall, shoving his hips forward against Dean's as he stroked harder, faster, "Dean..." He sucked his way down his brother's neck, leaving dots of bruising all the way down. The heat radiating out from his cock spread through his body quickly and Sam could feel his swollen balls drawing up as his body launched toward release.

"God Sam," Dean groaned as his body rolled into Sam's, trying to get as close as possible. Everything in him was tingling pleasantly and his knees threatened to give out a moment before everything in him tightened. His hands lifted to wrap around Sam's neck and slam their lips together, moaning into the kiss loudly as his orgasm tore through him. He could feel the heat splash up against his body, tongue sliding forward to circle swiftly along his brother's.

Dean's cry was muffled by Dean's mouth, he came long and hard sliding down the wall slightly until Dean caught him. Cocks throbbing and pulsing together, Sam moaned again, hands suddenly needing to be everywhere on Dean's body. "How... " Sam's eyes fluttered closed as he tried to breath, "how do you _still_ make me feel..." words failed him and he simply fell against his brother's body.

With a soft hum Dean smiled and brushed his forehead along Sam's. "Well... you pretty much always blow my mind..." he chuckled and stepped back, pulling Sam under the spray with him. "I think it's always gonna be that way, no one could ever compare," he said softly as he ducked his head under the spray.

Tipping his face up into the water Sam shook his head, letting his hair stick to his cheeks and forehead. "Dad's gonna kill us," he grinned, "hot water."

"Maybe we should get out," Dean nodded and laughed softly. "Maybe he's not up yet and we can pretend like we have no idea why there's no hot water." He stepped back, letting Sam turn off the shower and help him out. They towelled off quickly and tucked individual towels around their waists. Sam checked the hallway before they darted across to the room, giggling like they were little kids all over again.

 

The hardest thing about the days following their arrival at their dad's was the little flickers of light that occasionally penetrated Dean's vision. They'd arrive so quickly and be gone in a blink and that spark of hope in Dean always flared only to be snuffed out. It made him a little more irritable then usual and there were several occasions where he almost lost his temper with both their dad and Sam. The men were remarkably patient though, knowing him well enough to sense when his mood was taking a turn for the worse. Sam did his best to reassure him, using gentle touches and quiet words. Sometimes Dean hovered right by his side to feel reassured, other times he sat on the front step and listened to the wind and quiet noises of the neighbourhood, wearing sunglasses at Sam's insistence.

They talked to their dad about their plans to stay around for awhile, settle down for a bit, five days post surgery. Even though Dean couldn't see his face, he could tell the man was pleased with the decision. He'd never press them into anything, he'd learned his mistake there, but Dean knew the man had to feel comforted by the idea. Sam was so outrageously excited about the whole thing he took to dragging Dean to the library so they could sit by the newspapers and computers and Sam could read off information about job openings and places for rent. Dean couldn't help chuckling whenever Sam would spot something and lean over to whisper excitedly toward him. Like when he learned the library they were so often at was hiring. It seemed like the perfect position for Sam, who still wasn't one hundred percent comfortable talking to random strangers.

One week post surgery Dean's vision shifted. There was still a large circle of black but he could see things just along the edges. It was almost more irritating then the flashes of light because he couldn't focus in on things no matter how hard he tried. But every now and then he'd get just the glimpse of his brother's face and it made everything okay for awhile. John joined Dean outside after dinner one night while Sam was doing the dishes, pressing a beer into his palm and sitting close enough to feel the slight heat of his presence. Dean thought they might just sit in silence, enjoy the fact that they could be around each other without snapping, but then his dad mentioned a guy at his work that was moving in the next month and the fact that they'd need an extra pair of hands.

It took Dean a few minutes to get his throat to work enough to grunt out a quiet, "that'd be good," and even then he had to push up from the step and head inside, hand clapping down on his dad's shoulder in passing. Sam was a little surprised by the tears in his eyes until Dean explained the reasoning softly and strong arms wrapped around him. He'd never be able to explain why it affected him so much but it did and he'd probably never be able to thank his father enough for everything he'd done for them. Despite the fact that Dean still couldn't _see_ he was happier now than he had ever been, which was saying quite a bit.

Dean woke halfway through the second week post surgery and _knew_ everything was different, before even opening his eyes. When he did, slowly, he could see the soft sunlight coming from the thick blinds covering the window. The room was slightly fuzzy, even when he rubbed curled fingers into his eyes, but it was _there_. Dean's heart lurched in his chest and he rolled along the mattress, nudging the still sleeping Sam until he fell onto his back.

"Oh..." he breathed softly, eyes sliding along Sam's face slowly. He hadn't changed at all, of course, but Dean found himself memorizing every little detail all over again. He shifted on the mattress to get comfortable, eyes never leaving Sam's features. Dean smiled gently as he extended his arm, fingers lying over Sam's heart, moving with the rise and fall of air leaving his lungs.

Yawning, Sam cracked an eye open, "hey," he murmured as he closed his eye again. Then something twigged in Sam's mind, the way those green eyes were looking at him. _Looking at him._ Afraid to open his eyes again, Sam took a deep breath. "Are you ...?" Voice cracking slightly Sam turned his face toward his brother's. "You looking at me?" His eyes open and he saw - clear as day - that Dean was looking at his face. "You're _looking_ at me," he said again, lips twitching into a smile.

Dean matched Sam's smile easily and he reached out to touch his face softly. "Yeah. Still a little fuzzy but... yeah," he chuckled, heart fluttering once more at the happiness radiating off his brother. "This is going to sound lame but _god_ I've missed you," he murmured and slid up so he was sitting, tugging Sam up into his lap even if his brother was all limbs and could barely fit.

Throwing his head back in laughter Sam grabbed Dean's cheeks and stared into his eyes. "_God_, that's..." He leaned forward and wrapped himself around his brother's body. "I ... this ... is the _best_ news." Sighing into Dean's hair he sat back a little, hands clasped behind Dean's neck. "Can I stop talking now?" He winked, not even sure if Dean could see it.

"Hmm no I don't think you can, not if you're gonna be a workin' boy," Dean chuckled and slid his hands down Sam's body. His head turned slightly at the sound of a dish clattering in the kitchen. "I wanna go see dad before he leaves for work, let him know the good news, then I'm gonna come back and reacquaint myself with you," Dean grinned bright before dipping forward to brush their lips together.

"Okay," Sam flopped back onto the bed off his brother's lap. "M'not going anywhere." Sighing happily he watched Dean as he picked his jeans up and pulled them on then padded quietly over to the door. _By_ himself. Tucking his hands under his head, Sam grinned.

Dean stood just inside the kitchen, small smile curling his lips up as he watched his dad move around the kitchen. He blinked a few times, instinctively trying to clear away the fuzz, before clearing his throat softly, "mornin'." He really was just as excited for his dad to know about his sight, in a lot different ways from Sam, because it meant they could finally get started _living_ this new life they'd been talking about.

"Hey Dean," John rubbed at his eyes sleepily, "coffee's made -want some?" He glanced over his shoulder, frowned, did a double take then turned. "Where's Sam?"

"Still in bed, I... we're not getting up yet, just wanted to come say hi before you left for work," his smile grew, confirming the suspicion on his father's face by saying, "hey maybe you can invite Gloria to dinner tonight." Dean had put off meeting her, explaining that he didn't really want to feel uncomfortable the first time he met his dad's girlfriend.

"You..." John put his coffee cup down on the counter, "I'll be damned. Can you see?" He stepped closer to Dean and reached out his hand.

Dean grinned and stepped forward, catching his dad's hand in his and tugging him in for a tight hug. He didn't even care that he was still shirtless and it might otherwise be awkward and he had a pretty good hunch his dad didn't care either. "Yeah it's still fuzzy but no more black. It's fucking fantastic." He chuckled as he squeezed his dad once more before stepping back.

Tousling Dean's hair John laughed warmly against his son's neck. "_That_ is the best news ...man..." he stood back shaking his head slowly with a huge smile on his face. "Gloria will _love_ to come and meet you two. God..." He whacked Dean in the shoulder, "this is... this is great."

Dean couldn't recall ever seeing his father so happy and it made his grin only wider. "It is. It's really great. So you invite her, and Sam and I will have something cooking by the time you get home tonight," he nodded swiftly, stepping back toward the door. "Hey dad? Thanks for... you know... _everything_..." his smile softened slightly, eyes dropping to the ground for a moment before lifting back up.

"You're my son." John leaned back against the kitchen counter, "you're my oldest. Always a special place for you." He cleared his throat, "God... uh ... I should get to work. Good." He pushed off the counter. "Great... I'll - we'll see you tonight." He was still grinning as he walked out through the living room.

Dean swallowed a few times to gain some control over the swirl of emotions working through him before he turned and headed back to the hall to their bedroom. Sam was dozing off again and Dean grinned, shutting the door silently before slipping out of his jeans and boxers. He considered the long line of his brother body for a few minutes; head tilted to the side, heat swirling up in him, before he darted across the floor and nearly jumped on top of him. "Guess I'm gonna have to take it upon myself to wake you up properly," he chuckled, lifting up on his hands to stare down at Sam's face.

 

_So, my name is Dean Winchester and I live in Kansas with my brother Sam. And technically my dad too but he lives ten minutes from us, gotta have some privacy after all, and trust me he's learned his lesson about coming over without calling first. We won't get into that though. Awhile ago I got hit on the head, some crazy fucked up thing and suddenly I was blind for more than a month. I learned a lot about myself during that time, which is probably why I'm writing this now. I meant to get around to it earlier but things have been pretty busy since we settled down here. Weird how a life that's not constantly spent on the road moving from place to place can be so busy._

Sam, my brother, lover, most important person **ever**, works at the library. He's kind of geek so it works for him. I make my living alongside my dad in the auto body shop. It's kind of fitting because my entire life my dad trained me to work the "family business" and here I am, working with him. Just not in the way I always thought I would be. I miss hunting sometimes, and I think I might have Sam look for a case, but it's kind of nice to be selfish. And it's more than nice to not be watching my back constantly, to go about my day and know I have something real and solid to come home too. **Home**. Yeah, that's pretty nice too.

We have a couple puppies, which we got literally two days after we moved into our new place, before we even had a couch. Sam was pretty eager about the whole thing. Sam's dog is Magneto - yeah, lame I know - and he's a German Sheppard - who struts around the place like he owns it. I picked out a mutt who'd been stuck in a cage with a bunch of yapping Chihuahua's, I felt too bad for the guy not too. He came with the name John but that was too weird so I renamed him Zeppelin. I call him Zepp but Sam calls him fluff ball. Which isn't funny. At. All.

Not that long ago Gloria moved in with my dad. She's sweet and funny and pretty perfect for him, as close as he'll get to it anyway. I don't think they'll ever get married because she could never be what my mom was to my dad but she doesn't seem to mind that much. She's even okay with the few pictures of my mom my dad has up, which gets her my approval even if she wasn't awesome.

Life is so much different than it was even six months ago. And mostly it's all awesome. Sam talks a lot more, and I think that had to do with my time spent without sight. He still has his moments where he just can't and I get that. And I don't mind either. I get Sam. I always have. And he gets me. We work that way, constantly move around each other in a familiar flow. I don't know if we'll stay in this place forever, but that doesn't bother me.

Because I know I'll be with Sam. And really? That's all that matters.

[Master Post](http://community.livejournal.com/cha_fics/6392.html)


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